Wordsmitherd

David Crowder Band is Breaking Up.

2011-05-21T12:41:00.000-04:00

Well, breaking up has bad connotations.

They are finishing their current album and going on their last tour, The 7 Tour. All of them have gotten married in the last few years and have children now.

It’s fully understandable, but yet is a rather sad, dark day in terms of innovative music. DCB were always coming up with wacky stuff, like “Twitter Will Kill You” and playing a Guitar Hero guitar in their concerts. I’ll never forget the first night I sang with my church worship band – we sang his edition of “No One Like You.” Next time around, “Foreverandever, Etc.” “You Are My Joy.” “Neverending.”

David Crowder Band, I will miss you.

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P.S. Maybe Camping had it right - if DCB is breaking up, it must be the end of the world…

All the Dorm Floor Plans You Could Ever Want or Need or: "The Hitchhiker's Guide to Lee University" Companion Part I.

2010-07-17T15:27:00.011-04:00

I know what you're thinking. You're moving on campus in less than a month, and you want to know what your dorm room looks like in advance so you can start planning your room layout. But you might live a long way away, and can't come all the way to Lee just to see your dorm room. The Lee website is less-than-easy to navigate, and it is difficult to visualize the dorm layout through pictures of other people's rooms.

Well, I'm here to save the day. Here I have compiled an entire database of layouts of every dorm at Lee University. These links can be printed for planning purposes, and even emailed to your future roommates for discussion. Obviously, this furniture can [and almost certainly will] be moved by you and your roommates, so keep that in mind when planning.

These are split up between male and female dorms and arranged alphabetically. Simply press Control+F [PC] or Command+F [Mac] and search for your dorm's name. Enjoy!

Men's Dorms.

Atkins-Ellis.

Bowdle.

Hicks.

Medlin.
First, Second and Third Floor.

Fourth Floor.

O'Bannon.

Storms.

Women's Dorms.

Brinsfield Row.
First Floor, 1650 Block.

First Floor, 1750 Block.

Second Floor.

Cross.

Davis.

Keeble.

Livingston.
Suite-Style

Studio-Style.

Nora Chambers.
First Floor, 3-Person.

First Floor, 4-Person.

Second and Third Floor, 2-Person.

Sharp.

Simmons.

Tharp.
First Floor.

Second and Third Floor.

Men AND Women's Dorms?

Carroll Courts Married Housing.
One-Bedroom.

Two-Bedroom.

I hope this post has been helpful. Click the link in the right-hand column that says "Freshmen" for more advice, past and future! See you in the fall!

No, I Am Not Dead.

2010-06-20T23:11:00.002-04:00

Two months.

It's been two months to the day since I last posted. In that time, I have created a short film, jumped off a mountain, been surrounded by skulls, climbed to the top of a 650-year-old cathedral, been in Hitler's bunker, summited the eleventh highest mountain in the world, gotten lost on trains, played Gene Kelly, been to "Vegas," seen red-light districts, visited a concentration camp, taken a ferry to a coastal mountain village, viewed Nazi and Communist propaganda sites, and had my flash drive confiscated by airport security.

Yeah.

I must write on another time of these adventures, but that being said, Apple's iOS4 was leaked yesterday. I installed it as soon as I knew, and it is pretty freaking awesome. Multitasking isn't as fun as it sounds, but it's nice to have. The REALLY nice features are the app folders and the home-screen wallpaper. That, and I have a new operating system days before 95% of iPhone users. It's kind of nice.

Media Law and History of Christianity are occupying my summer well. Apparently, however, I am the only Lee student who takes History of Christianity with Skip Jenkins for kicks and giggles.

Lee University has purchased First Baptist for $5 million. Additionally, a new Pedestrian Mall is under construction behind Sharp-Davis. It will make for an easier commute between the School of Religion and the rest of campus. We're losing 17 parking spaces, but gaining easier and safer access to the SoR. The new Ped Mall will also serve to create a "second center" of campus. Historically the Sharp Pedestrian Mall [the proper name for the one in front of Simmons, Tharp, and Cross] has been the middle of campus, and 95% of the buildings are built facing or near it. As that is becoming less and less the case, a refocusing of the "middle" of campus is necessary. That is what this new Ped Mall is doing: bridging the gap between the SoR/First Baptist and the rest of campus. And look, there are even pictures!

My book has been "postponed" until next summer, but in the meantime I plan to release a small companion version entitled "The Hitchhiker's Guide to Lee University" for this fall's freshmen. More details will be released later.

I am learning how to cook. "The Matt Smith Guide to Stupid Cooking Mistakes" might be published at some point.

I'm about tired of towing cars from here to there.

"The Big Bang Theory" is one of the FUNNIEST freaking shows on television! Seriously.

I know all you Wordsmitherd addicts have been going through withdrawals for the past two months, but it's all good now. Get your fix, until the next time I post. Of course, nobody knows quite when that will be. Until then...

"Live long and prosper... Leonard Nimoy!"

Spring 2010 Final Exam Schedule.

2010-04-20T14:27:00.000-04:00

Once again, the final exam schedule is buried on the Lee website, and it's much easier to look to your friendly neighborhood Wordsmitherd for help. You're welcome.

Schedule of Final Examinations
Spring Semester 2010

ALL CLASSES MUST MEET DURING THE ASSIGNED EXAMINATION PERIOD.

Thursday, April 29
MWF 10:00 Classes 8:00 – 10:00 a.m.
T/TH Classes beginning between 1:10 and 2:25 10:15 – 12:15 p.m.
MWF 3:00 Classes 1:00 – 3:00 p.m.
T/TH Evening Classes; Tuesday (only) evening classes 6:00 – 8:00 p.m.

Friday, April 30
T/TH Classes beginning between 7:45 and 8:50 8:00 – 10:00 a.m.
MWF 2:00 Classes 10:15 – 12:15 p.m.
MWF 9:00 Classes 1:00 – 3:00 p.m.
T/TH Classes beginning between 2:35 and 3:50 3:15 – 5:15 p.m.
All GST 101 Classes 6:00 – 8:00 p.m.

Monday, May 3
MWF 12:00 Classes 8:00 – 10:00 a.m.
T/TH Classes beginning between 11:45 and 1:00 10:15 – 12:15 p.m.
MWF 1:00 Classes 1:00 – 3:00 p.m.
MWF 4:00 & MW 4:30 Classes 3:15 – 5:15 p.m.
MW Evening Classes 6:00 – 8:00 p.m.

Tuesday, May 4
MWF 8:00 Classes 8:00 – 10:00 a.m.
T/TH Classes beginning between 9:00 and 10:25 10:15 – 12:15 p.m.
T/TH Classes beginning between 4:00 and 5:00 1:00 – 3:00 p.m.
MWF 11:00 Classes 3:15 – 5:15 p.m.
Thursday (only) evening classes 6:00 – 8:00 p.m.

PHYSICAL EDUCATION Activity Classes and PRIVATE INSTRUCTION will be examined during the last regular class period of the semester. Classes beginning at 5:00 and after are considered to be Evening Classes. The University reserves the right to change the schedule without notice.

Retarded Clippy of the Future.

2010-04-16T15:27:00.000-04:00

The entirety of this post is a quote from Brian Jacob, fearing that his tagging on Wordsmitherd could be detrimental in the future.

===

I am afraid that many years from now, when the remnants of what we consider modern civilization have been lost and are being dug up, they're gonna uncover a huge box and find out that it was something that in the early 21st century was called a "server."

They're gonna fire that bad boy up and the only recoverable information will be "Wordsmitherd." And when that happens, they're gonna see that this guy "Brian Jacob" was tagged several times, and they'll read it. They're gonna use it to try to unlock the mysteries of common life in the early 21st century.

First of all, they're going to make the mistake of thinking that Wordsmitherd is an accurate representation of life today... which it is not. And second of all, they're gonna find this post about typing like a rhino.

Then, they're gonna wonder, "What is typing?" Second of all, they're going to try to figure out what the "internet" is, because I'm sure by that time, they'll all just think crap and everything will be connected via implants in their minds.

Finally, if they rediscover ancient technology for a museum and recreate it, similarly to how we recreate weapons of neanderthals and early iterations of the wheel, they're going to recreate a computer with a word processor, and I will be the little "Clippy" saying "Don't type like a rhino!" And this is why I fear my tagging on Wordsmitherd.

This is why, hopefully one day, when I'm a billionaire (in my wild dreams of course) I pray that I will be smart enough or good enough to at least accidentally say intelligent or wise things from time to time. I want a scribe that I hire to follow me around all day, simply because I have superfluous sums of money, and have him write down my words of wisdom in a tome, which will hopefully be preserved alongside of the server that is discovered.

Therefore, I will be able to eliminate this mass confusion that I am the retarded Clippy of the future.

Get Your Celebrities Straight!

2010-04-15T23:44:00.000-04:00

The following conversation ensued between myself and the Wordsmitherd-infamous Brian Jacob.

"Matt, you look like Bono wearing those sunglasses."

"I'm pretty sure they're not big enough to be Bono sunglasses."

"No, you have a smaller face than Bono. They're proportionally the same."

"Wouldn't the glasses have to be twice this size to be Bono glasses?"

"No, that would be Jessica Simpson. Get your celebrities straight!"

Stunning Revelations and Life Decisions or: My Summer/Fall 2010 Class Schedule.

2010-04-12T16:44:00.002-04:00

I was in my advisor's office today, planning classes for the fall. It's freaking late for a junior to be doing that, I know, but I digress.

While looking over my requirements, my advisor mused,

"Right on track to graduate in May 2011."

"Excuse me? I thought I was graduating in 2012."

"Look for yourself. Doing a normal class load for the next two semesters, plus the summer classes you are taking this summer, will put you at graduating in May 2011. Even if you slowed down and stretched it out, it would only reach December 2011."

I subsequently fell in the floor while contemplating the reality of the fact that I am graduating a full year ahead of most of the friends I came in with.

I'm honestly not sure if I'm ready to graduate. Thoughts on the topic are welcome. In the meantime, here is my class schedule for the Summer and Fall of 2010.

And here we go.

Summer Term I
Modern Europe Cross-Cultural Trip - May 11-30 - Steve Swindle and Jeff Golden
POLS-344 - European Politics, and HUMN-302 - Modern Western Culture.

Summer Term II

10:15-12:30 COMM-410 - Media Law - Dr. Kailing.
1:30-3:45 CHIS-323 - History of Christianity I - Dr. Jenkins.

Fall Term

Monday.
9:00-9:50 COMM-300 - Communications Research Methods - Dr. Kailing.
10:00-10:50 TCOM-242 - Basic Broadcast Journalism - Dr. Dukes.
11:00-11:50 HIST-222 - Survey of Western Civilization II - Dr. Ward.
12:00-12:50 RELG-200 - Biblical and Theological Foundations of Benevolence - Alan Wheeler [God help me get into this one.]
3:00-5:00 TCOM-400 - Internship Seminar - Dr. Laney.

Tuesday.
12:00-12:50 PHED-137 - Intermediate Taekwondo - Dr. Pope.
2:35-3:50 COMM-250 - Basic Digital Photography - Dr. Kilpatrick.

Wednesday.
9:00-9:50 COMM-300 - Communications Research Methods - Dr. Kailing.
10:00-10:50 TCOM-242 - Basic Broadcast Journalism - Dr. Dukes.
11:00-11:50 HIST-222 - Survey of Western Civilization II - Dr. Ward.
4:00-4:50 RELG-200L - Biblical and Theological Foundations of Benevolence Lab - Alan Wheeler.

Thursday.
12:00-12:50 PHED-137 - Intermediate Taekwondo - Dr. Pope.
2:35-3:50 COMM-250 - Basic Digital Photography - Dr. Kilpatrick.
5:45-8:00 GNST-400 - Senior Academic Assessment - Dr. Tilley.

Friday.
9:00-9:50 COMM-300 - Communications Research Methods - Dr. Kailing.
10:00-10:50 TCOM-242 - Basic Broadcast Journalism - Dr. Dukes.
11:00-11:50 HIST-222 - Survey of Western Civilization II - Dr. Ward.

Shashank to the Future!

2010-04-09T20:44:00.001-04:00

I am convinced that the world could conceivably end in May 2011. This comes about because of the fact that the famous Shashank Shrestha will be graduating.

His graduation from Lee is not, however, the causal factor for the end of the world. Allow me to explain.

The fact is, Shashank takes photos at every single Lee University event and for every single issue of the Lee Clarion. This naturally includes graduation.

Thus, Shashank would conceivably take pictures at his own graduation. The question then becomes, how would he accomplish this feat and graduate at the same time?

Quite obviously, Shashank from the future will take advantage of time-travel technology to take photos of his own graduation. However, we are all in danger when and if Future Shashank runs into Present Shashank in the course of the day.

Quite simply, the encounter could create a time paradox, the results of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe! Granted, that's the worst-case scenario. The destruction might be limited merely to our own galaxy. Or, at least our own campus.

Boy, that's a relief.

Ask the President: A Reaction.

2010-04-08T20:27:00.001-04:00

Today's chapel was the ever-famed Ask the President chapel. Students set up their personal cameras, hoping to be the person who filmed the next "sex in chapel" moment. I had a few reactions to the questions asked, which I will now outline for you.

First, if people read Wordsmitherd, they would have known the answers to half of the questions without having to ask them. For example, way back in November, I wrote an article about the new Lee chapel. This article included an architectural rendering of what the building will look like, in addition to information concerning the building's location, use and purpose.

So imagine my annoyance when someone asked Dr. Conn if there really was a new chapel going in on campus, what it would look like, where it would go and what it was going to be used for. Really, people? Next year, I'm going to ask Dr. Conn how many purple sprinkles are in the dining hall sprinkler jar!

Oh, and has anyone seen the microwave in the dining hall? I sure wish they had one. /sarcasm

Second, Hughes Hall insisted on making lots of noise during the service, and someone asked how the University could dare tear down the building which the Hughes family donated to the University. Now, I'm all for dorm pride, so I don't care about the yelling and "HUGHES HALL!" chants. That being said, I am fairly confident that Hughes Hall was so named because Ray H. Hughes was President when the building was built. If I'm wrong, I would like a Lee historian who's been around for a while to correct me.

Speaking of Hughes Hall, back in February I suggested to Dr. Conn and Cole Strong that they should let Medlin and Hughes guys take sledgehammers to the building. We'd all demolish it for free! I went up after service and reminded Dr. Conn of this idea. If there is an event in which we get to beat the crap out of Hughes Hall with sledgehammers, let it be known that it was my idea.

Of course, someone had to ask for a date package, and Dr. Conn obliged. A Medlin Man asked Dr. Conn to come to Mediln for a movie night with the Medlin guys. He declined, but not before donating $80 of Papa John's pizza, several buckets of popcorn, and a $25 BlockBuster gift card for the movie night. Life is beautiful.

Oh, and of course, people certainly asked for bobbleheads, though Dr. Conn did not address any such questions in the service. Another day, I will outline the history of the Paul Conn bobblehead craze, though I will not tell you how I got mine, or how to get one for yourself. It's not that difficult to figure out.

You Are What You Watch or: My Filmic and [Televisionic?] Watching Choices Are Subtly Influencing My Shot Structure.

2010-04-07T22:11:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite shows on television is Boston Legal. This is partially because I believe the writing to be amongst the best on television today, but also partially because I love the shot structure and complexity of the production.

Watch the video below and note the shot structure, the frequent movement, and generally well-manufactured production of the show.

In addition, I have also been watching the "Ocean's" film series a lot, mostly because I think Steven Soderbergh is a creative genius. The storytelling style of his camerawork, plus the general look and feel of his films, inspire me to do better.

I didn't think it was making too much of a difference until today in Broadcast Copywriting, I had to write a 30-second situational commercial. I thought through my commercial and wrote it out like normal. Just as I was finishing, I noticed that I had a nineteen-second-long walk-and-talk shot which follows the actors out of one room, down a hallway, into another room and across that room to the next piece of action.

Upon this realization, I realized that you are, indeed, what you watch, at least insofar as film style and shot structure are concerned.

Homemade News Jam, Part Who Knows?

2010-04-06T14:07:00.003-04:00

All the Wordsmitherd addicts must be going through DT's right now, since I haven't written in over three weeks. This is mostly due to an influx of schoolwork and other crap demanding my attention over Wordsmitherd.

Thus, today's post is another one of those "Homemade News Jam" posts. Get ready, because you're about to get three weeks of Matt Smith in about three minutes of reading.

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Spring Break 2010 was a relaxing week of Fallout 3, movie watching, bass playing and grilling out. As a recap, Spring Break 2009 also found me playing Fallout 3 all day and grilling out in front of Medlin every night. We also may or may not have rappelled out of trees and off the Humanities clock tower.

And for all those interested, I was intending to take a break from writing during spring break anyway. During and immediately following spring break, I managed to do some reshoots on the Socrates project from last semester, preparing it for entry into the Broad Street Film Festival.

After the reshoots, I spent hours upon hours in the video editing lab, even so far as spending the night in the lab on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, March 30/31. I finished editing and rendering on Wednesday morning around 8:50 and burned the project by 11am. I later took a ride to Chattanooga to turn in the Socrates and P3RRY films, only to realize that I burned the wrong outtakes to DVD under the credits. Oops.

Cleveland weather is utterly retarded. It faked us all out twice before finally turning to nice, sunny, breezy warm weather. I have been hanging outside, sitting in fountains and laying in the grass. Walks along the Greenway and across campus have been wonderful lately. Unfortunately, mere days later and we are already heading into the unbearably hot Cleveland weather.

I've been in the new wing of the Science Building four times in the last month. It's really nice, and all of you are going to like it.

I ate two Easter dinners over the weekend, one at Daniel Pennington's apartment and one at my grandmother's house.

They Came Running had their first radio airtime of all time on Saturday night! That was exciting.

I plan to get a new bass soon. It's a Lakland 55-02 in the Sunburst finish. It's five strings of awesomeness with a 35" scale neck for better Low-B resonance. It's going to be sick.

Coheed and Cambria is coming out with a new album, and I am beyond excited.

Last night, I saw "How To Train Your Dragon" after a ridiculously amazing driving adventure [more on that later.] The visuals were beyond amazing and the story was captivating. I loved it, and would probably buy it when it comes out on DVD.

Man, "Ocean's Eleven" is an amazing movie, and "Boston Legal" is one of the best shows [no longer] on television.

That's about the best encapsulation of the last three weeks I can think of. I know it's scattered, but at least it's a fix for the Wordsmitherd addicts out there. Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things soon.

Spoken. TONIGHT!

2010-03-10T13:44:00.000-05:00

I have previously had the opportunity to open up for Spoken, when I played with They Came Running last year.

Tonight, Spoken is visiting theElement here in Cleveland, and it's gonna be pretty darn rockin. That's all I have to say about that.

Medlin Crosswalk Solution: Zipline.

2010-03-09T15:33:00.000-05:00

Even with the new Medlin crosswalk, not all drivers are completely considerate of the pedestrians attempting to cross Ocoee Street.

Thus, I propose a new solution: a zipline.

Mounted out the eastern fourth-floor stairway window on a platform, the zipline would be one of the "sitting" variety, where the user wraps their legs around a multi-point bar and lays horizontally to traverse Ocoee Street in the air.

The zipline would lead across Ocoee Street to a newly-constructed platform directly across the street and Science Building lot. One would dismount the platforms via stairs leading up and down from each.

This solution would provide a fun, easy solution to the crosswalk problem, without having to actually cross the street and risk being hit by a car.

Now who's with me?

Remember that "lighthearted" part of my writing goal? This is one of those posts, intended entirely as a joke.

A Word to Anonymous Commenters.

2010-03-08T10:23:00.000-05:00

My goal with this article is to address the [mostly negative] comments of several anonymous commenters.

The purpose of Wordsmitherd is to say what's on my mind. It usually amounts to satirical world commentary, humorous anecdotes, and lighthearted guides to various aspects of life. Sometimes, I say striking things because I feel they are necessary to say something that needs to be said.

All that being said, anyone who reads this website is subjecting themselves to my opinion. Whether they agree with it or not is their prerogative, but reading this website subjects one to my opinion, by their choice.

I am writing this from an open, honest background. I am Matt Smith, a student at Lee University. Hopefully I [intentionally or unintentionally] say useful or intelligent things from time to time, and I hope that these things are helpful to you, the reader.

If anyone is genuinely offended or upset by the things I say, I am really easy to get into contact with. Facebook, email, whatever. I am more than willing to address legitimate concerns from readers. This does not necessarily include disagreements, for the reason that you are entitled to your opinion in the same way that I am entitled to mine, which you are choosing to subject yourself to.

Now, there are several anonymous commenters who continuously throw stones at me via this website's comment function. It's easy to throw stones when you are hiding behind a curtain of anonymity. I have attempted to deal with these commenters via logical argumentation and rebuttal, and via simply ignoring their comments, thinking they might cool down and lose whatever vendetta they have against me.

These attempts have been fruitless so far. Thus, I turn the same offer towards these anonymous commenters that I turn towards everyone else who reads this website: I am willing to address legitimate concerns, not including disagreement, if they come talk to me or otherwise address me as themselves, not as anonymous stone-throwers.

I am now making an official statement that until these anonymous commenters reveal their identities, I will refuse to continue spending time, effort and energy responding to their comments. Until these commenters follow the Biblical mandate to bring their concerns to me personally, I will not argue with them or otherwise spend time on them and their attacks.

The ball's in your court.

Fridays at Lee: A Response.

2010-03-02T18:33:00.002-05:00

Fridays at Lee. It was referenced previously, and as a whole has become a very profane ad hominem attack on all things and people Lee University.

I have remained silent on this blog thus far because, simply, I don't care. I'm not particularly offended by their attacks for one specific reason: their ad hominem attacks are not only false, but are below offense.

The goal of Wordsmitherd is to provide my viewpoints and to help point out when things are wrong. The goal of Fridays at Lee thus far has been to ad hominem attack everyone and everything. Their attacks are below reproach and not worth getting angry over.

An open letter to Fridays at Lee, and all other people who are slitting throats and stabbing backs over Internet comments:

All this politickin' and infighting garbage has to stop. It is not getting anything done. Your goal as Christians, or just as moral people, is to build each other up and look out for each other. I was trying to help DZT's reputation by pointing out the issue with the name of "The Hook-Up." Sure, I may have been a little jerkish about it to begin with, but I have since apologized for my brashness.

All that sites like Fridays at Lee have done is put proverbial knives in the hands of Lee University students, for backs and throats alike. This isn't accomplishing ANYTHING, and it needs to stop.

A Public Clarification and Apology to Lee University Greek Clubs.

2010-03-01T23:07:00.002-05:00

It is obvious that my articles have caused a stir in the Greek community at Lee.

This has resulted in a lot of misquotes, misunderstandings and general personal attacks. Thus, this article is intended to clarify the intentions behind my articles, and to publicly apologize for hurt feelings and personal attacks, whether intended or not.

It's true, I don't agree with everything Greek clubs do. I don't agree with everything Greek club members do. I don't appreciate the attitudes of some Greek club members. I don't even necessarily accept the idea of a Greek club based on the oddity of an exclusive Christian club.

These, however, are all ideas, as opposed to people.

One of the logical informal fallacies is called "ad hominem, form of abuse." This is the fallacy in which one personally attacks a person, as opposed to breaking down an idea, an action or an argument. Any kind of personal attack such as this one is to be disregarded in logical argumentation. Let's use the DZT "Hook-Up" deal as an example.

My point in that article was that the name of the event "The Hook-Up" had a sexual connotation which cast a negative light on their event. Unfortunately, with the commenting storm that ensued, meanings got lost amongst a sea of hateful remarks and personal attacks.

If I had personally attacked a member of DZT for naming the event, or for any other reason, my argument must be more closely scrutinized, without the personal attacks. My argument could still be valid, as the presence of an informal fallacy does not make an argument incorrect. But even if my argument still holds up, it's generally bad argumentation to attack others.

Thus, my goal with the DZT article, or any other articles I write, is to provide statements of truth and to confront ideas and arguments, not to attack people. I get along just fine with most Greek club members as people, and I don't think that being in a Greek club makes you a horrible person.

That's the clarification.

Now for the apology.

I'm not out to attack Greek club members. I'm not out to discredit someone just because they're in a Greek club. I'm aiming to share opinions on actions and arguments, especially when I feel that someone is being wronged or hurt.

If, in the course of your personal interactions with me, you have felt slighted by me for personally attacking you as a Greek club member or your club as a whole, I apologize right now, publicly. This is not my goal. I am sorry if this has been the case for you.

I ask that you respond to me and tell me how I might have slighted you, so that I may watch out for it in the future. These comments may or may not be publicly posted at my discretion, for the sake of privacy. If you ask me not to publish a comment, I will not publish it.

The Matt Smith Guide to Attraction.

2010-02-23T16:57:00.001-05:00

Now that we are past all the Valentine's Day super-emotional crap, some people are still looking for significant others.

However, some are hindered in this endeavor by some very small, but very important, "roadblocks" to attraction.

Thus, this guide is intended to inform women on some general behavioral traits that men find attractive. This is NOT a guide on physical attraction; merely a guide to "It annoys me SO MUCH when she does this!"

All information here is from my own head and my own experiences, plus some confirmation from others' experiences.

Clinginess.

The number one roadblock to attraction is clinginess. This roadblock applies to both men and women, though I have little experience to speak from a female standpoint.

Girls, it is generally very undesirable to be super-clingy. Guys need time to spend with their guy friends playing Halo and hanging out, just like you need time with your girl friends to go to the spa, or shopping, or whatever it is you do.

Give your guy time to breathe, time to watch movies with his buddies, and time to do his own thing, just like you want time to yourself. Similarly, guys, don't leave her out in the cold all the time and then expect her to be happy with you when you've blown off spending time with her for two weeks straight.

Trying to change him.

Girls, don't try to change the guy fundamentally. It's a bad idea.

In a previous relationship I was in, the girl's Dad was super-strict on appearances, and insisted that if I was to date her, I had to cut my hair. I said no. He didn't like it.

People all around me pressured me to cut my hair, and I said no. Then, they pulled out the "Respect" card, saying it was a sign of respect to him for me to cut my hair for her. Again, I said no. As I have said before, It is NOT a sign of respect to cut your hair for some girl's Dad or anyone else. It's just a sign of submission to tradition.

Also, it is illegitimate to date someone under pretenses that they change for you. The only situation in which one should change for another is if they are actually committed to the other person. And dating does NOT constitute a commitment, at least not one worth changing yourself for.

The only such commitment is marriage.

If my wife wanted me to cut my hair, then so be it. My thought is that the ideal wife doesn't give a rip about external appearances and would leave it up to her husband, but failing that, marriage is the only context in which you are committed to someone else in terms of personal appearances. Thus, girls, don't try to change him for the purpose of dating.

Oh, and this doesn't just apply to hair. This applies to musical tastes, favorite movies, and other such things too. If you genuinely think something the guy watches or listens to is wrong, you can't just say "Don't watch it for me!" Offer an argument as to why he should or should not do something, and hope he listens to logic, if your argument is indeed sound and valid.

Be genuinely interested in "his stuff."

Everyone's heard the TV sitcom wife's complaint that the husband "never listens to me!" or "doesn't care about what's going on with me!" Women, return the favor.

When your guy of choice says, "This video sucks! The cameraman forgot to white balance.," and you don't know what that means, don't just say, "Oh." Ask what that means! Ask what properly white-balanced cameras are supposed to look like and why it works the way it works.

Or, when he says he's having trouble with his Taekwondo form, don't just say "Oh, that sucks." Ask him to show you his form, and what he's having trouble with! Offer to help if you can. Don't just sit and let the things he says float in one ear and out the other, when you want him to listen to you, too. Be genuinely interested in the things he's interested in, or at least try. You'll probably have that one thing that he does or is into that you can't understand to save your life, so let that go. But don't just ignore his life while wanting him to be interested in yours.

Maybe there will be a Part II to this guide. We'll see.

Mac vs. PC: "Clone."

2010-02-22T22:07:00.001-05:00

For my Single-Camera Applications and Aesthetics II class, I had to make a commercial. This is it, a parody of Apple's Get a Mac campaign, popularly known as "Mac vs. PC."

Enjoy.

The Matt Smith Guide to The Medlin Hall Crosswalk.

2010-02-18T16:53:00.000-05:00

Ever since the new crosswalk system was installed at Medlin Hall, it has been very entertaining to watch the drivers stop and blink in confusion at the massive lightshow of a crosswalk.

Thus, I feel it is in order to provide short guide to crossing the road at Ocoee Street, for drivers and pedestrians.

Pedestrians.

When preparing to cross the Medlin crosswalk, stand between the white posts. The infrared beams from these posts trip the crosswalk lights. When standing, look both ways, and make sure the cars are slowing down properly before you begin to cross. Then, make sure you wave, or salute, or SOMETHING, to acknowledge the driver's courtesy.

Oh, and don't run across the road not in the crosswalk, and don't cross the crosswalk without going through the posts so as to make sure you trip the crosswalk lights.

Drivers.

When you see that the lights are flashing [honestly, you couldn't miss it] begin to slow down. Unless you're right on top of the crosswalk and literally could not slow down or stop, then don't just drive right through. I have already seen multiple drivers run right through the crosswalk, lights blazing and student waiting to cross. Don't do that - it makes you look like a huge jerk.

Once you have slowed down, you may find it necessary to signal the student to cross. Wave them on, flash your lights, do something. This helps the student know, "Hey, they're slowing down for me, so I can cross now."

When all students present in the crosswalk are across, you may then proceed.

When and if a student has crossed the crosswalk in the last 30 seconds and is already gone, but the lights are still flashing, you do not have to stop there. I have lost count of the number of times that there is no one in the crosswalk and drivers still stop, looking around confusedly.

Both.

Just be alert. Don't be stupid. If you're hit or hit someone, do not drive away.

Finally, you will not get free tuition if you are hit. Just saying.

The First in a Series: Lee University Inspirational Posters.

2010-02-17T23:13:00.003-05:00

Enjoy these.

Oh, and the DZT post became my most popular post of all time yesterday. Crazy how things spread around here.

"What Lies Beneath" Movie Review or: Robert Zemeckis' Talent Makes Me Sick!

2010-02-16T20:57:00.001-05:00

Last night, I was privileged to view "What Lies Beneath" for the first time.

Let's just say that this movie was RIDICULOUS in terms of Robert Zemeckis' talent. And I mean that in a positive way.

I have always been a fan of his movies, ever since I first saw Back to the Future Part III as a kid. I went into this movie with no idea what it was about or if it was going to be any good.

Zemeckis executes a number of ridiculously amazing camera moves and effects, which if done by any other director would look ridiculous, draw attention to themselves and just look like a director showboating with a computer. Zemeckis, on the other hand, uses these special effects to tell a very compelling story, and do so in a visually haunting way.

I cannot go into the plot of this film for fear of spoilers, but I can tell you that you NEED to see this movie. It's like that movie that everyone has heard of but never seen. "Oh, 'What Lies Beneath?' I've heard of it. What's it about?"

Go watch the ridiculous camera moves, like the one which comes from way outside the bridge to inside the truck and close-up onto the cell phone, in the last few minutes of the movie. The whole way through, I was screaming, "Oh, SHUT UP Robert Zemeckis! Why can't I make amazing special effects like these?"

Soon followed by, "Oh, that's right. I have no money for special effects like that."

Oh, and watch the faces.

The Great Commission Does Not Mean You Should Make Goals to "Save One Friend per Week."

2010-02-15T14:23:00.000-05:00

At nearly every back-to-school youth group service and nearly every "rededication" service at youth camp, you can count on hearing a pastor say, "Go out there and save one friend a week for JESUS!" *cheers*

I am here today to show that goals of "saving one friend a week" are illegitimate and should be disregarded.

These types of goals are misguided, as they turn ministry, evangelism and what churches in the 70's called "soul-winning" into a "task item" or a checklist.

Ironically, most Christians who might adopt goals like this one denounce the checklist mentality for "did I read my Bible this week?" or "did I not lust this week?" You always hear Christians talk about "You don't have to pray for five minutes exactly on the dot, because it's not about a checklist religion!" Yet, many will adopt a checklist mentality for salvation. If that's not backwards, then I don't know what is.

Relationships are what are really important in all human interactions, both Christian and ministry-based or otherwise. My best friends and I did not become best friends by "getting each other saved in one week." We became best friends by watching movies every night, playing video games, and playing music together for years. You can't expect to be successful at ministry and actually witness real change in people's lives if all you do is get that kid on the street saved and leave him to figure the rest out on his own.

On the flipside, you can't just be all about relationships for the purpose of ministry only. "Oh, I'm only friends with that guy so I can get him saved." First of all, this idea is flawed for a number of reasons. If you really have that big of a Messiah complex thinking that you can save that guy or "pull him up" before he "pulls you down," then you have other issues at hand besides relational ministry. This also, by the way, makes a great argument for Christians not dating non-Christians: If you really have that big of a Messiah complex, you have other problems than whether or not you should date that [guy/girl.]

Second, what happens when your friend finds out that you only want them saved and then will leave them for your next "case?" They will get angry [or angrier] at the church and Christians, and begin to think that all Christians are like that. While that is not the case, the point is that until they have a counter-case to come along and show them that all Christians are not like you were [in this hypothetical situation] to prove to them otherwise. Wouldn't it be better just to not create that situation in the first place?

Third, we cannot simply make relationships our goal for the purpose of ministry. Our goal should be relationships for the purpose of relationships. Our goal should be to let our Christian lives show that Christianity really is the best way to go, not to just form a relationship with someone just enough to get them saved. You're just creating intimacy for the sake of an agenda.

Why? Why can't we just have ministry relationships? Because that turns ministry into a task item, or a job. What happens when you excel at a job for a long time? You become a professional. So what do we call a professional at feigning intimacy?

A whore.

A prostitute.

You're prostituting God's gift of grace and His wonderful message for your job. You're turning God's message into your job, as a professional whore. [Thank you, Bill Johnson.]

Your goal is relationships for the purpose of relationships. Do you know what the beauty of this goal is? It means you can appreciate people for who they are and actually hang out with them! Enjoy their company! You wouldn't make them your number-one confidant or anything like that, but you don't keep them at arm's length like a dirty sinner who might contaminate you.

When you're watching a movie at a friend's house and they pull out the [drugs, alcohol, insert other personal conviction vice here,] you don't have to up and leave to get away from it, though sometimes you might feel more comfortable if you do. Rather, you can show your friends by your declination that you do not need to have a good time. Then, when those friends are broke and hungry, you can show them Christian love by feeding them and taking them into your home or dorm room, without pushing them away for being a "dirty sinner."

That, my friends, Christian ministry at its finest.

Chapel-Hating, Christian Education, Pastors and Theology, and Sucking at Calling or: All My Frustrations With Pastoral Types in One Easy Article!

2010-02-12T22:01:00.005-05:00

Last week was Convocation. Now, I have been exempt from Convocation for the last two or three Convocation weeks. I play bass and sing in a worship band, and we have played Sunday and Wednesday night services and practiced every Monday night [and sometimes Tuesday nights] every week for nearly three years. The same is true of Convocation week, so I simply filed an exemption form for playing in the band.

However, I was involved in a huge Convocation/chapel argument during Convocation week. This argument centered on a pastoral major, a theology major, and myself. The pastoral major ranted on and on, ad hominem attacking Theology majors and making sweeping generalizations about Theology majors and chapel. The theology major simply defended himself and his fellow majors against the illogical attacks. I stepped in and attempted to do the same. It is from this conversation that I will make the following four points concerning chapel and Convocation, gleaned from this conversation and from personal experience.

Hating chapel is neither wholly inclusive of nor wholly exclusive to Theology majors.

People from every major on campus hate chapel. Then again, people from every major on campus also love chapel, including Theology majors. It is unfair, and the logical fallacy of apriorism to suggest that only or all Theology majors hate chapel. Simultaneously, it is simply bad argumentation to say or suggest that pastoral majors are any different from Theology majors in that respect, and to attempt to put oneself on a high horse by default.

You can't trust everything you hear. Examine the Scripture and things that speakers say for yourself.

Do you really expect that every single chapel message [or ANY message, for that matter] is perfect and free from error of any kind? If so, you are supremely näive. This is not a reflection on any particular speaker or chapel voice. This is simply a reflection on human nature. Check things for yourself. You'll be a better Christian for it, and a more educated one at that. Wait, we came to a Christian college for education on Christian matters? Who knew!?

What comes next is one of the major things that annoys me about overzealous Christian leaders.

You have to have theology to be successful as a pastor.

One of the participants in this conversation insisted that he didn't care about theology or the personal viewpoints or opinions of the other parties involved. I find that this attitude of "I don't care about theology, I just love Jesus!" pervades not only some pastoral majors at Lee but also lots of Christians at Lee in general. How often do you see statements printed online like:

"It's a relationship not a religion!!!"

"I just love JESUS! The other stuff's not important!"

"I don't worry about all that theology crap... just believe and it all works out!"

These types of ideas sound great, and their meaning is not all bad. What they mean is that Christianity is not just a checklist religion where you "do what you're told" and just "be a good boy." It comes from "Christians" who if asked, call themselves Christian, but live however they want and are only nominally Christians. It's about a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Point taken.

That being said, how are you going to be in a relationship with Jesus if you don't do anything to find out about him? Study him? Learn about him? Read the instruction manual he gave you in the form of the Bible? Don't try to hide your intellectual laziness as "enlightenment" in the form of relationship.

You can be called to something and still suck at it.

Evangelical Christians throw around "God called me to do X" like the latest free candy at Halloween. But honestly, being "called" to something does not make you automatically amazing at it.

I'm a pretty good video editor and media guy. But do you think I just said "God has called me to be a video guy" and just "believed" in myself to be good at it? No. It takes more than that. I have spent more hours on Final Cut than I can care to remember or keep track of. I have done more projects that I've forgotten about than I could even dig up on old hard drives and DVD's. I've spent TIME doing my craft, and practicing to become excellent at what I do. That includes classes and time spent on my own, just doing my thing. That doesn't even mean I'm a professional, either - I still have plenty of room for improvement.

Do you really think that pastoring, or psychology, or baseball, is any different?

Can you be a good pastor without training? Can you be called to be a pastor and be automatically good at it? Can you be called to play baseball and automatically be as talented as No. You have to spend time in your craft, practicing, taking classes, doing what you do. It is necessary. You can't just hide behind your calling and use it as a reason to suck at what you do.

===

Those are my major annoyances with chapel arguments, and also a summary of the argument which occurred this past week. Hopefully it has given you something to think about.

But hey, maybe God's just called you to not think and just believe?

Bike Seat Theft, leeHarmony, Inflammatory Lee Blog Crops Up, and DZT's "The Hook-Up," or: My Thoughts are Super-Disorganized Today.

2010-02-11T17:13:00.002-05:00

Someone stole the seat on my bicycle today. Thanks, God is watching.

Apparently leeHarmony is becoming a huge deal on Lee's campus. The creator received permission from the real eHarmony to use the name "leeHarmony" so long as the site does not become larger than 1,000 members. Oh, and isn't it weird for a male to add other males as friends on a "dating" or "relationship" site?

===

A big angry blog called "Fellation Friday" popped up last Friday, criticizing many things Lee University. I can't say I disagree with all of the anonymous author's criticisms and observations, but I do think he or she is particularly crass in their presentation.

Based on the author's comments about girls on Lee's campus, I am led to believe that the author is indeed male. He is certainly overly frustrated with lots of aspects of life as a college student/Lee student, and apparently believes the best way to deal with it is by name-calling and ad hominem attacking other students. The blog has since been password-protected. We'll see where this goes.

===

Can DZT's "The Hook-Up" really be called anything but a boost for the nickname "Slea-Z-T?" I can't say that all girls in DZT are slutty or sleazy, because such traits could be true of any girl, not just those in DZT. But honestly, DZT? If you hate the idea of being called "Slea-Z-T" or statements like "I couldn't get a girlfriend, so I went to DZT," why would you have an event called "The Hook-Up?"

Go up to a random guy or girl on the street and say, "I hooked up with a [girl/guy] last night." Do you really think they're going to say, "Oh, you went to the DZT event in the PCSU where they had food and date stuff going on? No, they're most likely going to think you were talking about sex. Might wanna think that one through a little more next time.

I think that's about all that I have to rant about for now... until tomorrow's rant about Convocation and chapel.

Pac-Man Has Died!

2010-02-08T14:33:00.003-05:00

On Saturday, eleven of my closest friends flooded [no pun intended] into my basement to help clean it out for moving to Chattanooga. That was a huge blessing in and of itself. I really could not ask for better friends. Who else would clean out a wet, moldy basement for only pizza and drinks? Super-mega-thanks to Mike, Timy, Kyle, Chris, Perry, Breck, Aimee, Dwayne, Cecil, Phil, JT and Andy.

As the day wrapped, we ceased the cleaning of the basement and switched gears to move all the boxed-up items to storage. God bless Andy; he allowed us to borrow his truck for the purpose of speed and efficiency of moving. There we were, a three-car cavalcade, driving back and forth to the storage unit to unload. Of course, when you get six or seven college guys and two flatbed carts together, hilarity ensues... after the jump.

On the last load, we loaded up Pac-Man and I started the car to head out. In true retro fashion, Pac-Man made a growling noise such as he was named for and promptly died. I tried to restart him, to no avail. Mike, the resident mechanic, took a look and advised to go ahead and take our load to storage, then come back and try to start Pac-Man again. So we did.

Upon our return, Pac-Man was still in a crappy mood. He refused to start and resigned me to leaving him overnight. Sunday, he still refused to start. As of today, he is still sitting in my yard at home. This afternoon I will go home and try to boost him off and check the alternator.

Until then, Pac-Man died in a truly poetic Pac-Man fashion: with a growl, facing a ghost.

My First Greasemonkey Experiences are Forthcoming.

2010-02-04T20:33:00.003-05:00

This week has been a bad one mechanically.

Although I am driving Pac-Man again, my van's alternator died, and it was towed to the mechanic yesterday.

This morning, at 8:30 sharp, [a full ninety minutes before I normally wake up] I got a call from the mechanic, telling me that I would need to replace the alternator, and possibly the battery, and that altogether with labor it would cost me about $430, plus a $40 service fee. $470 is a lot of money to a college student, especially when said college student is attempting to buy a new bass and amplifier rig.

I personally thought this number sounded high, but went about my day, telling the mechanic to shelve the van until I had time to deal with it.

When I arrived in my Radio and TV Speech class, several of my classmates thought the figure was extremely high, as did my professor, having worked in a NAPA Auto Parts store. The look he gave me when I said I was quoted $270 just as the cost for the alternator explained it all.

Other mechanical-type friends agreed that this was ridiculous, and offered advice and assistance to replace the alternator myself. Thus, I have decided that I can handle three bolts and a few cables as well as the next guy, so I'm going to replace my alternator myself. Here goes nothing.

As my RA, Brian, once said, "Have you ever built a computer?" "Yes." "Mechanics are scary until you actually do it. It's like building a computer, except easy enough for a three-year-old, since everything can only fit in one place."

The Matt Smith Guide to Turn Signal Intricacies or: Vehicle Idiosyncracies, Part II.

2010-02-02T22:44:00.002-05:00

The Pac is Back!

The alternator began having problems on The Tick, the sketchy van I detailed in this post.

So, in the meantime, I broke out Pac-Man again, picking it up this morning from its storage location. Again, I felt a wave of "exhaust-tinged awesomeness" as I drove Pac-Man down the road again. Unfortunately, some time in storage had rendered one of the turn signals useless. The front left refused to turn on at all, while the back left simply glowed solid, rather than blinking.

I checked all my fuses and found the one for the turn signals to be intact. I did, however, discover that the fuse for my cigarette lighter and horn was blown. I went to the auto parts store, and a very nice gentleman helped me locate the proper fuse for the cigarette lighter and the bulb for my turn lamps.

Turns out whoever owned the car before I did replaced the 20-amp fuse for the cigarette lighter and horn with a 4-amp fuse. Wow. A little fuse switch later and I was able to use my iPod FM transmitter in the car, something which I have to date been unable to do.

Following, I replaced my turn signal lamp in the front, seeing that it was the one that would not turn on. Immediately upon replacement, the turn signal fired right up. It was a wonderful feeling. This comes on the heel of replacing the brake lights in The Tick last week, after having been pulled over for broken taillights and subsequently having the van searched for drugs and weapons. Considering that I am a Christian and a non-drug-user, they found nothing.

Depending on the model of car, turn signals play a "tennis match" with each other. One turns on and sends a relay signal to the other, firing up the other, rinse, repeat. When one burns out, it quits "hitting back" to the other turn signal, causing it to stop blinking and simply glow solid. A single replaced bulb later and you're back to blinking like normal.

With analogies like that, I should become a Dr. House for cars.

Finally, I drove it back to campus and down Parker Street, reveling in the loudness of the muffler-free Mustang. It's good to have Pac-Man back.

Guitar for Worship is the Most Amusing Musical Writing I Have Ever Read or: A Complete Encapsulation of Every Church Musician's Onstage Thoughts!

2010-02-01T23:21:00.004-05:00

This evening, my friend and musician Perry forwarded me a site he discovered entitled "Guitar for Worship."

After only an hour of reading, I realize that this site, run by a gentleman named Karl, is a perfect encapsulation of every church musician's onstage thoughts and ramblings.

I play bass for six church services per month on average, and hang out with my fellow musicians about 75% of the time. Reading this site, especially the post entitled "The Hierarchy of Tone," reminded me exactly of exchanges I have had onstage with other musicians.

While the actual purpose of the post, the author's Hierarchy of Tone, was incredibly informative and well-executed, the first half of the post contains a not-necessarily-scripted dialogical exchange between multiple guitarists, the bassist, drummer, keyboardist [with whom the author sympathizes for their underrated role in music,] and the worship leader. This conversation is wonderfully hilarious, and evokes exact mental images of everyone's favorite gearhead guitarist and worship leader.

I plan to read the entirety of the site's archives eventually, but in the meantime, you should go read "Guitar for Worship."

Snow.

2010-01-29T18:11:00.000-05:00

It's something Cleveland doesn't see very much of.

When new students see a light dusting at Lee, they freak out saying, "IT'S GONNA SNOW!" Then, I have to be the one to crush their dreams by saying, "No, it really doesn't snow here. We haven't seen major snow since 1993 and haven't had decent snow since 2007.

Today, however, was different. During Broadcast Copywriting class,† my professor left the classroom to see if it was snowing. When we looked out the window, we saw that there was some major snowfall. After class was over, I left and there was enough snow for some snowballs.

After running an errand, I discovered that there was enough snow for a minor snowball war in front of Medlin Hall. As I walked across campus, there was a ten- or fifteen-person snowball war on the Ped Mall.

Within thirty minutes, an epic hundred-person snowball war had broken out in Alumni Park, with more snow ever falling. The war grew and grew, until roughly three hundred people were warring and throwing snowballs at friend and foe alike.

Meanwhile, snowmen were cropping up all over campus, including a massive eight-footer right in the middle of the soccer field. While I was continually throwing snowballs at The Harrison Keely, who happened to be in for a visit, we took photos with the snowmen and pelted strangers with snowballs. It was extremely entertaining.

Back in the Alumni Park War, things had gotten worse. People began pelting passing cars with snowballs, a legal offense. Campus Safety showed up to put a stop to it, and invited the warring throwers to hit him instead. As he turned to leave, he must have been hit with fifty snowballs in a one-hundred-foot walk.

I personally dodged many of the snowballs intended for me, though by no means all. I personally enjoyed hitting several friends with large snowballs and photojacking group photos in the snow. As the excitement died down, a vast number of the throwers went to dinner in the dining hall simultaneously, where the dining hall manager personally pelted many assailants without getting hit himself.

Finally, given the weather and circumstances, several people took to making fresh snow-cream in the dining hall. While I did not try this particular concoction, one of my tablemates mixed instant coffee into her snow-cream.

Thus describes the best Lee University Snow Day in the history of this class. Hopefully, there will be more in the future.

==

† Has anyone noticed how I keep mentioning Broadcast Copywriting in nearly every blog post? It must be some intense subconscious love for that class.

The iPad: A Reaction.

2010-01-27T23:23:00.001-05:00

I own a Mac, I have owned six iPods [long story] and I also own an iPhone. I'm kind of an Apple junkie.

I've had plenty of experiences with Apple customer service, and I've emailed Steve Jobs a time or two. [One of those emails got me $80 credited back for a defective charging brick, out of warranty.]

Thus, of course, I was sitting on the edge of my seat for the Apple tablet unveiling today. Watching Engadget's live updating of the event, I annoyed my professor in Broadcast Copywriting by my constant distraction. She ended up smacking me with a bunch of papers after I kept switching back to watch the page updating.

"Pay attention!"
"Sorry, Apple tablet!"
"Ooh, what's it called?"
"iPad."

Of course, Steve opened the keynote with updates about random software pieces and such. Then, he gets to the unveiling of the magical iPad. My personal favorite quote from the whole event was when Steve was discussing the middle ground between notebooks and phones. "If there's gonna be a third category [between phones and computers,] it has to be better at these tasks - otherwise it has no reason for being. Now some people thought that was a netbook -- the problem is that netbooks aren't better than anything!"

Basically, imagine an iPhone with a ten-inch screen. Half an inch thick, one and a half pounds. Multi-touch functionality across the whole screen. 64gb of flash storage. Wifi functionality and speakers and a microphone. Ten hour battery life.

The graphics look fantastic. Playing several games, surfing Facebook and working with photos all look spectacular. Nearly every app in the existing App Store run on the iPad. Some sweet new drop-in context menus make a debut.

Everyone expected an Apple tablet to compete with devices like the Kindle and the Nook. It does, and it delivers beautifully. Reading the New York Times, and subsequently opening up a book, the app being called "iBooks," it seems that reading would be a wonderful experience on this device. With a slide of the finger, the pages turn just like in a real book.

iWork gets an iPad-style update, featuring the new context menus and such. Additionally, they see a price drop to a mere $9.99 per app. The keyboard is context-based, just like the iPhone; of course, the keyboard is much larger and more receptive to long typing sprees, which can get tedious on the iPhone, or any other mobile device.

In addition to the WiFi capabilities, the iPad will have the option for 3G access. Apple has signed another exclusivity contract with AT&T. For $14.99 one can get 250mb of data; for $29.99, one gets unlimited data. This is the same price as the iPhone. The iPad 3G models come "unlocked" and use GSM microSIM cards. Some sweet dock and keyboard accessories were previewed, along with a sweet hard case with a stand-up shape, for movie viewing.

Finally, all the tech rumor sites insisted that the price would be under $1000. As we learn in Broadcast Copywriting, or by watching any commercials, "under $170" usually means $169.99. This time, the tech rumors were right, but by a much bigger gap. The non-3G models are priced at $499, $599, and $699, for the 16gb, 32gb, and 64gb models respectively. The 3G option adds another $130 to the price, bringing them to $629, $729 and $829.

My overall reaction to the iPad is one of love and semi-hate. Every time Apple has unveiled a new product, they have completely blown away all expectations and predictions. For example, all the rumors about the iPhone missed the mark entirely. I was hoping that Apple would have blown away all the predictions with another beyond-revolutionary product. While I had no idea what they could possibly do with it, I figured the Apple guys have been more creative than I have in the past. Unfortunately, that was not the case. In any case, I might try to get ahold of an iPad in the future. I will let you know if it happens.

Visit this link to watch the Apple keynote, in full motion video! Color and everything!

The Matt Smith Guide to Band Success on the Road.

2010-01-26T14:33:00.005-05:00

The LINK Band produced a CD of original worship songs about two years ago. The music and lyrics are really fantastic, unlike most worship bands' original music. Unfortunately, the target market for The LINK Band's CD is mostly college students, which means few of them have $10 to spare on a CD.

This past Saturday, I traveled with The LINK Band to Warner-Robins, Georgia to play a worship service at a church down there. I traveled for the purpose of media preparation and presentation.

The ride down was very productive, as I managed to write a whole chapter in "The Matt Smith Guide to Lee University." I also discovered the awesomeness of Winchester shooting range earmuffs. I was actually able to hear bass over the road noise in the small earbuds playing music from my iPod.

When we got to the church, we were plagued by audial issues. We ended up having to run two audio consoles, one for the monitors and one for the mains. Guitars were cutting out randomly and the issues took forty-five minutes to sort out. That meant no run-through for the songs, thanks to a beyond-tight schedule which did not allow room for such audio problems.

Once we went live, the band played through two songs. Nearing the end of the last song, nearly all the audio just... disappeared. The guitars were still there, though they were quieter than before, but the vocals and keyboard were just gone.

Then, I look over, and the audio console controlling the mains had no lights or VU meters lighting up. The console operator started flipping switches to no avail. In a panic, we replaced the fuse in the back of the board, again to no avail. After a little more investigation, we realized that the board was pretty much blown. Oops.

Thus, we had to ditch the monitor mix so that we could run the mains. As the band played through the rest of the set, they had no monitors. The only reason they held it together is because they have played together for so long that they can feel where the music is heading from each other's body language and such. Still, there were mistakes and the songs were not perfect.

As the songs slowed down and became more contemplative, there were bigger pauses and quieter passages through the songs. It was then that we were able to hear an anomaly: through the PA system, one could hear an annoyed male voice commenting on whatever it is political commentators are annoyed about. It was an FM radio station playing political commentary, somehow coming over our speakers.

It wasn't the church audio system playing a radio station; an unshielded, ungrounded cable was picking up interference, in the form of that radio station. Thus, during quieter moments of worship, the mood was destroyed by the political noise.

For the uninitiated, an ungrounded cable means there is a potential for electric shock. Depending on where the ungrounded cable is located in the system, and what it leads to, there is a potential that any musician on stage could be electrocuted if they are touching metal at the wrong time. That's a guitarist's strings, or a vocalist's microphone. Bad, bad, bad.

When the band got off stage, they were unaware of the danger. I informed the lead guitarist, and he made the decision that the band would not play the remainder of the set following the pastor's message. We gathered the band outside and delivered the news, thankful that we were all unharmed.

Basically, the consensus among the band was that the show went poorly compared to standards. As the service ended, I manned the merch table, hoping to sell a CD or two. Immediately at the end of the service, CD's started selling left and right. So many, in fact, that by the end of the night, we had sold more CD's than in the entire previous two years combined.

Thus, we discovered the Formula for Band Success on the Road:

Travel far from home to play a show, have audio problems, blow up the church's audio board, almost get electrocuted and die, play a crappy, pathetic show, then sell more CD's than you've sold since they were made.

Take that formula and use it for your band - patent pending The LINK Band.

Christmas Break To-Do: Did I Do It?

2010-01-22T12:57:00.001-05:00

Over Christmas break, I wrote an article detailing my Christmas Break To-Do List. It involved such fun items as "play Fallout 3" and "write my book."

Of course, if I'm going to write a post like that, it is then of necessity that I must write a second post updating what I actually did over break, to see if I accomplished my goals.

"In terms of video games, I am going to play Fallout 3, The Sims 3, Assassin's Creed II, Guitar Hero: Metallica, and perhaps some Halo 3 on Xbox Live [though the last one is optional.]"

I did spend a little time playing Fallout 3, though the small 13" TV at home makes playing difficult, as the text is painful to read at such a small size. I did beat the expansion pack "The Pitt," though.

I think I played The Sims 3 for one afternoon. That's all.

I spent 27 hours on Assassin's Creed II. I have yet to complete the main storyline in 27 hours of gameplay because I have been collecting all the glyphs, treasure chests and other goodies in the process.

I played plenty of Guitar Hero: Metallica, after I received it for Christmas. Unfortunately, before I could play the game, I had to buy guitar controllers for the 360, because the gift-giver accidentally got the game for the wrong console. It was great, however, because the 360's graphics are superb compared to the Wii for that game. I became good enough to beat most songs on Hard and some on Expert, and even amused an Apple tech support representative by playing "Master of Puppets" for her, as detailed in this post.

I did not play any Halo 3 whatsoever, and I have yet to activate my Xbox Live subscription.

"Then, for books, I plan on reading "Bias," Tim Irwin's "Derailed," and "Journalistic Fraud." Speaking of books, I am also going to write the remainder of "The Matt Smith Guide to Lee University." All the incoming freshmen may rejoice!"

I didn't read any of these. At all.

I wrote two chapters on "The Matt Smith Guide to Lee University." Now just twelve more chapters to go!

"Finally, my final project "P3ЯRY" for telecom and "The Trial and Death of Socrates" for Norwood's Humanities turned out excellently. Thus, over the break, I need to author the official DVD releases of Socrates and P3RRY."

I actually decided to go back and perfect these films more than my project time constraints had allowed previously before burning them to DVD. Thus, I did not author these DVD releases.

Beyond my list, however, I did play lots of poker, watch several movies, hang out with family and friends, and sleep a lot.

The sleeping was especially wonderful.

Yellow and Black Attack!

2010-01-20T23:13:00.005-05:00

It's a well-known fact that I play bass.

Most prominently, I play a red Ibanez G10, with a low B modification discussed at length in this post.

However, I also own a yellow Samick 4-string bass [which is actually older than I am, incidentally] which I will soon be modifying. Before I get to that, though, I have a humorous story about when I bought the bass.

I bought the bass secondhand from a friend for $80 when I was first playing around on the bass. After only playing for a few minutes, I realized that the strings seemed ancient, and smelled particularly bad. So of course, I asked...

"When was the last time these strings were changed?"
"Those are the strings that came on it from the store."
"And you bought it in..."
"1991."
"WHAT? It's 2005!"

Yeah.

Needless to say, I changed those pretty quickly. However, after I upgraded to the red Ibanez G10, I haven't played this one much and it really needs a change, both electronically and cosmetically.

The question cosmetically is, what colors should I change it to?

Currently, the bass is yellow with a white pickguard.

Should I change it to yellow with a black pickguard, going for that "bumblebee" look?

Or black with a yellow pickguard, for that inverse-bumblebee look?
The vote is yours, sweet America!

Textbook Costs or: McKay's Saves the Day!

2010-01-14T23:57:00.003-05:00

Classes have started, textbook lines are ridiculous, and assignments are already intimidating you.

For me, my class schedule is populated entirely with Telecom classes... plus Taekwando. I have never done anything remotely like Taekwando before; in fact, I failed PE three times in high school. That should be interesting.

Otherwise, I am taking Radio and Television Speech, Single-Camera Applications and Aesthetics II, Basic Television Production, and Broadcast Copywriting. This brings us to the day's story. On the first day of Broadcast Copywriting, a student asked,

"When do we have to have our textbook?"

"Yesterday."

"Oh. Gotcha."

When purchasing textbooks, I follow a routine: I use the iPhone app SnapTell to take a photo of the cover of each textbook. Then, the app looks up the book by that photo and pulls up all online prices of the book. This particular book, the sixth edition of "Copywriting for the Electronic Media," happened to be around $80 online; at the bookstore, it was $105 used and $170 new.

I had to have the book by the next class, so I picked up the book and planned to buy it. Then, the numbers sank in and the reality of a $105 textbook really hurt my wallet. I put the book down and resolved that since I was going to Chattanooga that afternoon anyway, I must go to McKay's and hope to get lucky on finding that textbook. It had not worked in the past, due to the stocking process of McKay's. Always worth a shot, though.

Later in the evening, I arrived at McKay's and scoured the journalism and broadcasting section. I had scanned over all of the shelves twice when the word "copywriting" caught my eye. I checked, and it was the very textbook I needed. In class, the professor said the fifth edition of the book would work just fine for a lower price; to be sure, I pulled up the cover of the book online to verify that it was the proper book. Then, I looked at the price, and my jaw officially hit the floor.

Eight dollars.

Yes, eight, as in less than ten, dollars.

I was thoroughly blown away, and my wallet thanked me for the savings. In the process, I was so satisfied with these savings that I picked up a few 2-dollar books on journalism, two seasons of Family Guy and one season of House on DVD. Even with all that, I still spent around $40, less than one-fourth the cost of that new textbook. I was quite proud of the savings, and thus have kicked off the year's blogging with this story.

When I returned to campus, I used a meal to get a pizza in the PCSU and conversed with several friends for around four hours. It was a well-spent evening indeed. I now leave you with a quote from the one, the only Phil Lofton, in reference to my keys which hang on my belt.

"Matt, your keys jingling as you approach is a public service to others. It lets them know that Matt Smith is approaching, and that good things are soon to follow."

Apple Patches up Post-warranty Laptop without Expense or: I Am Moderately Talented at Creating Backronyms.

2010-01-08T18:57:00.001-05:00

I bought my MacBook in January of 2008. His name is Malcolm Hephaestus the Mac.

I could not afford the AppleCare protection plan at the time, so I went without it. Even throughout the following year during which I could purchase the AppleCare plan, I was unable to do so due to college expenses and such.

In the summer of 2008, before my warranty expired, my trackpad's two-finger scrolling function was not working, and the physical casing around my keyboard began to crack. Being the obsessive person that I am, I couldn't stand it, so I took it to the Apple store. My friend Amanda and I were dealing with an awesome tech named AJ. Being under warranty, my top case repair was guaranteed to be free, but initially, I was going to have to leave my Mac at the Apple Store for a few days. "Well, I live about an hour and a half away; could you mail it to me?" "Hmm, I'll be back."

AJ went to the back room; after a couple of minutes, he came back out and said. "Today's your lucky day! I told the tech that you live that far away, and he said he would replace your top case right now, if you're willing to wait about an hour for it to be done." "Of course!"

On top of that, my friends' top case was cracking as well, and was certain that it would cost a great deal of money to fix it, since she was out of warranty. Wanting to some research, the tech hopped on his mounted MacBook behind the counter and within minutes, he says, "Well, today's your lucky day, too! Because the edges of this top case are cracked, we can replace your top case for free! It'll up the wait time to between 2 and 3 hours though." We signed our work order forms and went to get dinner in the food court.

Just as we were finishing, my cell phone started ringing. I picked it up, and AJ said that our machines were ready for us to pick up. I thanked him and hung up, and subsequently looked at my clock; it had only taken the tech forty-five minutes to replace the top cases on both of our MacBooks. We returned to the store and thanked the tech profusely, especially for repairing Amanda's top case for free when she was a year out of warranty. AJ said, "Well, we want you to be as happy with your Mac as possible." "Well, rest assured, you have been successful."

Subsequently, sometime after my warranty expired in January of 2009, a very small bug crawled up into my LCD display. Not a programming bug - an actual, physical insect. I named him Jimmy. Somehow he managed to survive between the surface of the screen and the underlying diodes for several days, during which time I watched him crawl around my screen. Eventually little Jimmy died and became a permanent little fixture of my screen, occasionally obscuring a letter or such small objects onscreen.

I then called up Apple and asked them to look into the issue; I was quickly told that despite my lack of a warranty, the screen would be replaced free of charge. Sure enough, over spring break I sent my computer off to Apple and it came back Jimmy-free and happy.

Later, over the summer of 2009, my top case started cracking again from wear and tear. Again, I couldn't stand it, so I took it into the Apple Store. They replaced it in-store, again, in an hour or so of waiting time. Concurrently, they reworked my friend Brian's MacBook Pro, on which a cable had come loose and was bending the casing out of place. He was out of warranty, but they reworked it on the spot anyway, fixing it free of charge. Are you seeing a trend yet?

Recently, in the late fall/early winter of 2009, my top case began cracking yet again. This is understandable wear and tear, and by now I am about 11 months out of warranty. In addition, my CD drive has quit working. I called up Apple on the phone, forgetting that I am no longer eligible for free phone support. A nice-sounding technician answered the phone, and graciously said that she would take the call anyway, free of charge. While I was fetching some computer information for her, we struck up conversation and discovered a mutual interest in Guitar Hero: Metallica. She plays on Medium, while I do decent on Hard difficulty and sometimes manage Expert.

After reviewing my case history, she says that my top case can be once again replaced for free, but that I will have to send it in to have it done. She then excuses herself for a few minutes to read some support documents to make sure that I would not be charged anything. The following exchange ensued:

"I'm gonna get quiet for a few minutes to read these documents, so don't worry, I'm still here."

"Go ahead, I'm playing Guitar Hero: Metallica right now anyway."

"Oh, turn it up where I can hear it!"

"Hahaha, okay.

"Oh, I hear you playing 'Master of Puppets!' I play 'Enter Sandman' like five times every time I turn it on."

When I completed the song, she complemented my playing and the ability to beat the song on Hard. She had double-checked and made sure that everything would be covered, and transferred me to Shipping to make sure the box was properly dispatched. Just before she parted, she said, "If they need to make any repairs that won't be covered, they will call you first to make sure it's okay."

I asked for the box on Monday night, January 4, at around 6:45 in the evening. The box arrived around noon on Tuesday. I shipped the computer off on Wednesday at 5:45 PM. Thursday morning, I received an email at 10 AM telling me that the computer had been received and was being fixed as quickly as possible.

Then, Thursday evening, in the middle of my fourth straight night of poker [more on that later,] I received another email from Apple, telling me that my computer had already been fixed and was in the hands of FedEx on its way back to me.

This afternoon around 2:30, the FedEx man arrived with my MacBook package under his arm. I opened it and inspected Malcolm, to find that he was in perfect working order, top case and all. Upon closer inspection, however, I discovered that Apple had replaced more than I expected, yet free of charge.

Not only had my top case and display bezel been replaced due to the cracking, but they had also replaced my logic board, for what was listed as "audio problems." Upon testing, though it was not disclosed in the paper report, they had fixed my broken disc drive.

In addition, my charge port had also been replaced for "failure to charge," and my battery itself had been replaced for failing the standard diagnostic test. What that means or entails, I am not certain; what I am certain of is that Apple has the best customer service track record of any company I have ever dealt with, by far.

Here's looking at you, Apple.

Voices of Lee on "The Sing-Off;" AT&T Is Extremely Customer-Friendly; Campus Renovations and Such Over Christmas Break; but Wait, There's More!

2009-12-21T23:57:00.003-05:00

It seems as though most of my holiday writing comes in the form of "super-posts;" posts which encompass three, four or even five topics. This is one such post.

First, the single most pressing topic on the mind of many Lee students and alumni: "THE SING-OFF."

Hosted by Nick Lachey, the a cappella competition was intended to showcase raw vocal talent. Voices of Lee was one of the top eight competitors which started the show; by the end of its first week, the Voices of Lee were one of three finalists for the live finale. Then, the voting floodgates opened, and America voted for its favorite group, to be announced at the live finale tonight at 8pm.

Prior to this, groups such as the SoCals and Noteworthy were eliminated from the competition, despite the SoCals' Journey medley and guitar solo [one of my personal favorite moments on the show.] I thought that the SoCals should have stayed on with the Beelzebubs being eliminated. I felt that the Beelzebubs' performances were not as technically complex as those of the SoCals and Voices of Lee. Personally, I voted for Voices of Lee 410 [yes, four hundred and ten] times, via call, text and email. Reportedly, many of Bill Gaither's staff voted for Voices at the same time.

Monday night came, and Voices of Lee performed first, along with the other groups, performing the U2 hit, "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For." Candace Whittington soloed with Voices backing her on the powerful chorus of the song.

Following, Voices of Lee performed Ben King's "Stand By Me," again led by Candace. Being a fan of this song, I greatly enjoyed it, as did the judges. Next up was Voices singing "Pocketful of Sunshine" live with Natasha Bedingfield. Despite Natasha's minor loss of beat in the middle of the song, Voices performed exceptionally. At the end, the crowd gave a standing ovation, including the eliminated group Noteworthy, the SoCals and actor and comedian Jack Black. [Having watched Jack Black perform in one of my favorite movies, "School of Rock," on TBS this previous weekend, his presence in the crowd pleasantly surprised me and brought back happy memories of his onscreen antics.]

The judges, Shawn Stockman [of Boyz II Men,] Nicole Scherzinger [of the Pussycat Dolls,] and Ben Folds [of solo fame, as well as of the group Ben Folds Five] responded very positively to the groups' performance. Shawn said that he "thought [he] had Voices pegged" in reference to their style, but suddenly "got it" as time went by during the competition. Nicole on multiple times referred to Voices as a "chorus of angels," [thank you, Haste the Day] and Ben Folds throughout the competition was very pro-Voices in his remarks, stating that they were the most musically educated group on the show.

Ten-time Grammy winner Bobby McFerrin, who famously sang "Don't Worry, Be Happy" in 1988 and is often hailed as the "King of A Capella," appeared on stage with all the groups to sing an improvised number. It was extraordinarily entertaining and I was quite happy with both his performance and the groups' along with him.

Before long, however, the first elimination round came and Voices of Lee was eliminated from the competition. This is not, however, a total loss. First, Lee was poised to gain some significant notoriety from the non-Christian community as a result of the show; this notoriety was achieved by virtue of having made the championship episode of the show. For their swan song, Voices of Lee sang a Voices-signature version of "So Long, Farewell" from "The Sound of Music." The Beelzebubs from Tufts University and NOTA from Puerto Rico continued onwards, only to have NOTA crowned as champions of the show, winning $100,000 and a Sony recording contract.

[I will mention in passing the fact that the Beelzebubs didn't actually sing much with Nicole Scherzinger during their "judges song," and it seemed that at least one or two of the guys seemed more interested in checking out her body [on national television, no less] than singing. On another note, she should have kissed the guy whose face she got so close to during the performance. Then he really would have fainted.]

I am happy that NOTA won the prize, for a couple of specific reasons. Firstly, the Beelzebubs are already notable for their long history of singing and entertainment. Secondly, they do not really need the money and recording contract they would have gotten if they had won; on the other hand, the inspiring story of NOTA really portrays to me that they deserved this victory. Their lives have been changed by winning this competition, and I applaud their perseverance and talent.

For their grand finish, NOTA repeated their earlier performance of British sensation Jay Sean's "Down." In the middle of their performance, however, Jay Sean surprised them by coming out from backstage and performing with them. That was quite a moment for them, and again, I am happy for them and that they won the competition.

Now, a break from "The Sing-Off..."

I own an iPhone, and I initially bought a red and black iFrogz brand hardshell case for the phone. The first of these I had broke after not too long, and I took it into the AT&T store. Without hassle, they replaced it for free with another case of the same type. This replacement also broke in the same way [the side clips which hold the case together broke off,] so I took it in a week or so ago for a replacement. This time, I switched to a Speck brand hardshell case. Again, the transaction was hassle-free, as the AT&T store replaced the case for free.

Less than a week after exchanging the iFrogz case for the Speck case, the rubber around the Speck case's edges had stretched and damaged the case. Now, mind you, I do not abuse my iPhone. I am about the most pro-Apple guy you will meet, and baby my iPhone like nothing else. This particular case just happened to be a piece of crap.

So, I took it back into the AT&T store again, and for the third time, they effortlessly replaced the broken case with another at no cost. I moved back to the iFrogz style I had before [oh, how I missed thee] and hopefully it will hold up better than the previous two.

In other news...

Lee's campus is undergoing some significant renovations. The previous RD of Medlin Hall, Joel, strongly pushed for the front steps outside Medlin to be replaced. People were slipping and falling on them, even in dry weather, because of the slickness of the tile which covered them. That didn't happen for a while.

As you can see here, however, the stairs are finally being replaced over this Christmas break.

Additionally, the concourse between the Walker Memorial Building and the Vest Building is undergoing some changes.

Turns out, most of the vegetation was old, overgrown and just plain "ugly," in the words of one Physical Plant employee. Thus, it is being replaced by newer, smaller vegetation over the break, and will look fantastic once the replanting operation is complete.

However, I can already anticipate the student reaction - "Ugh, this is just like when they replaced those big trees on the Ped Mall with those tiny lame ones!" The fact is that those trees aren't going to stay tiny. There's this awesome thing called "growth" - I know it sounds crazy, but the trees actually get bigger over time! In four or five years, those trees will be large and stand just as proudly as their predecessors did.

In one final break of news, thank God for friends who are willing to meet you at Steak and Shake at 2:30 in the morning to provide company for your late-night milkshake cravings.

Christmas Break Catch-Up.

2009-12-09T20:57:00.001-05:00

The devoted Wordsmitherd following is in turmoil!

Ever since November 24, there has been a drought of posting from the Smitherd, mostly due to final exams, final projects and a whole mess of stuff going on at once.

Even though you Wordsmitherd addicts out there have been going through withdrawals, both of you will get over it, because this is a new super-post, to catch up from the lack of posting.

First, the fountain. After my previous post which offended some due to an unintended inflammatory tone in one paragraph, people have since taken to more gutsy pranks involving the new Eternal Flame Fountain. These include frothing it over again and, most recently, adding foam and red dye to it. And I'm gonna be that guy who says it - that's over the line.

That fountain is not only a staple of the "Lee University Flames" ideal, but it is also dedicated to the late Nancy Bowdle. Roasting marshmallows in the fountain is one thing - it's not harmful and mostly humorous. Dye in the fountain, however, is definitely harmful and not particularly humorous. It damages the interior workings of the fountain, not to mention leaving red residue on the fountain itself. That being said, stop it. [Oh look, another pro-Greek club blog post!]

In other news, the campus is empty. It's weird. With everyone moving out of the dorms and going home for the break, all of your thoughts are traveling to eating lots of food with people who annoy you in large doses and opening gifts of cool Xbox 360 games and ugly yellow polo shirts.

While you're away on Christmas break, I'm going to hold off on posting to allow both you and me a break on the writing. In the meantime, I am going to give you an insight into my "Christmas Break To-Do List."

In terms of video games, I am going to play Fallout 3, The Sims 3, Assassin's Creed II, Guitar Hero: Metallica, and perhaps some Halo 3 on Xbox Live [though the last one is optional.]

Then, for books, I plan on reading "Bias," Tim Irwin's "Derailed," and "Journalistic Fraud." Speaking of books, I am also going to write the remainder of "The Matt Smith Guide to Lee University." All the incoming freshmen may rejoice!

Finally, my final project "P3ЯRY" for telecom and "The Trial and Death of Socrates" for Norwood's Humanities turned out excellently. Thus, over the break, I need to author the official DVD releases of Socrates and P3RRY.

Anyway, enjoy this post, and when you feel compelled to read over break, check out the archives for old-school goodness!

Wireless Bass for Fun and Profit!

2009-11-23T14:39:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, in addition to shooting the Socrates film, I also went on a church retreat, which ended in a worship service where I played bass and sang.

Now, the singing was an adventure in and of itself - these were some of the highest notes I have ever had to hit, but that's another story. That morning, I had asked Chas, the bassist for They Came Running, to borrow his wireless unit he uses with TCR. He agreed, and we set it up an hour or two before the service started.

I did not take full advantage of these wireless capabilities until the last song, entitled "Tell the World." The rest of the band decided to climb up on the front of the stage to get everybody pumped; rather than joining them, I simply hopped off the stage and walked around in the crowd playing bass!

I won't lie, it was a good time indeed. People just don't expect musicians to leave the stage. And what better way to get the crowd pumped than getting pumped right beside them? Of course, I now have to go buy a wireless system of my own.

It was a good "ending to the ending" of a fantastic weekend. Now to edit that Socrates footage!

"Trial and Death of Socrates" Filming Tomorrow!

2009-11-20T15:27:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow, a modernized, comedic reenactment of the famous Trial and Death of Socrates will be filmed for a Humanities class project. This film features the one and only Benjamin Hurst as Socrates, Phil Lofton as Meletus the Accuser, and Daniel Diffenderfer as head judge.

This video, while primarily a Humanities class project, will subsequently be entered into a handful of film festivals. Filming will be taking place in the Rose Lecture Hall in the Education Building on Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 4:00 in the evening.

This reenactment requires filling the Rose Lecture Hall with judges; that's where you come in. We need to completely pack out the seats in the Rose Lecture Hall for the purpose of representing the 501 judges present at Socrates' trial as accurately as possible.

All you need is a notepad and a sense of humor. You will be directed at specific moments to write on your notepads; other than that, you just get to look official and enjoy the show! Relatively presentable clothing is required; I'm not saying eighteen-and-a-half-piece suits and prom dresses, but don't show up in your pajama pants and tank tops.

Invite all your friends and help make this video a success!

Olfactory Trauma and Jedi Skip Ethics.

2009-11-19T23:44:00.000-05:00

Today, I get into Skip Jenkins' Ethics class and sit down in my usual seat on the front row. I have just been sitting for under a minute when I feel my nose seeming to run.

Instinctively, I check my nose and draw my hand back to find it covered in blood. My friend in the next seat over, Joshua, looks at me, noticing my hand. I said, "That's not good." and bolted out the door.

In the words of one of my colleagues: "You was out yo seat, you was out the doh, bro! You took two steps."

I felt bad for making a disturbance in the class, but I couldn't just sit there and bleed, and I believed expediency to be the best option in that particular moment. In my haste, I flung open the door of School of Religion Room 147, knocking it into the door of Room 148.

I'm wiping blood from my face as I go, attempting not to spill blood all over the School of Religion. [I realize our goal is to be like Christ, but his blood is way holier and better than mine.] I spent fifteen minutes in the bathroom waiting out the blood.

The story is over, right? Wrong. God bless Skip.

In my mad dash out of the classroom, I managed to cover the door to my classroom in my own blood. Now, anyone else would have simply waited for me to get back and just let me clean up the mess. Not Skip Jenkins.

Upon realizing that the door looks like a prop from a Saw movie, Skip stops teaching the class, retrieves a bottle of Clorox and cleans up the blood himself.

He could have easily just let me clean up my own mess, but Skip is so caring of his students that he stopped his own class to clean up my blood. That is why Skip is now my favorite professor on campus. What professor stops class to help a student like that? Though I'm sure that other professors might do that, I can only think of one example who did.

Thank you, Skip Jenkins. Jedi Knight.

I Read "The Lost Symbol" and I Lost Track of Time.

2009-11-18T23:03:00.002-05:00

Regular readers may remember that I picked up Dan Brown's latest novel, "The Lost Symbol," on its release date a few months back. Well, due to schoolwork, church commitments, and other time constraints, I have been completely unable to read the book as I had desired.

Finally, last Friday night, I was waiting on a friend to get back from Chattanooga so we could meet up and hang out. While waiting on her to call, I had about an hour to kill, so the thought crossed my mind, "What can I do for an hour that will be productive?" I turned to my bookshelf and my eyes immediately fell upon "The Lost Symbol." That's it!

I grabbed the book off my shelf and settled into my comfy chair, figuring I would read for an hour or so until my friend called. Now, being a fan of "The Da Vinci Code" and "Angels and Demons," I was instantly gripped by the book, as you and Robert Langdon are immediately thrust into the action.

Before I get any farther, I will say that this book is a must-read for any thriller or mystery fans, or anyone interested in history and symbolism. The twists are just what a longtime fan of Dan Brown has come to expect, and are absolutely gripping.

So, an hour passes. Then two. Where is she? Another hour passes. I hit the halfway point of the book and make a decision - my friend is probably not going to call, so I am going to sit and read this book all the way through. Thus, I ended up sitting in my chair for seven hours and finishing the book in its entirety.

This book represented the first time I have ever bought a book on its release date. It also represents another first - this is the first book of this magnitude which I have ever sat and read through in its entirety in one sitting upon opening it for the first time. 133 chapters, a prologue and an epilogue, and 509 pages really made this one for the record books. I absolutely loved every minute.

I have the overwhelming desire to read it again, but know that I will not be able to for quite some time, both due to time constraints and because I have two people on the "waiting list" for borrowing the book. So, upon a little Googling, I found that there is a movie in the works for "The Lost Symbol."

Unfortunately, this movie will not be released until I graduate from college in 2012. Crap.

On the plus side, I did discover that Dan Brown has complete ideas for twelve full novels following the adventures of Robert Langdon in addition to the three he has already penned. Thus, I will be anxiously awaiting the next one.

Oh well. All this being said, for the purpose of proving my statements in this article, I will now spoil the introduction of the book after the page break. If you do not desire the book introduction to be spoiled for you, then DO NOT pass the ===== and DO NOT collect $200. Hop to some other article and enjoy that. For all you brave readers out there...

=====

The novel begins with Robert Langdon being summoned to speak on Freemasonry at a conference in Washington DC that day by the assistant of a longtime friend and mentor, Peter Solomon. He is chartered in on a plane and chauffeured to the Capitol Building. Along the way, his time is very short, and he finds himself running through the Capitol Building to deliver his speech in the famed Statuary Hall. He stops just outside the door, straightens his jacket and catches his breath, and opens the door to see many prominent Freemason leaders...

Or, not. The room only has tourists milling about and there is no meeting of anyone. Suddenly, his cell phone rings - a mysterious voice on the other end tells him that he has been brought here for a purpose. Turns out Langdon never actually spoke personally to Solomon himself, and he has been flown into the nation's capitol by a complete stranger. "It hasn't dawned on you yet, has it? Why you were chosen? It will. Any moment now."

Screams! A loud scream erupted from the Capitol Rotunda - upon his arrival at the scene, Langdon sees a mannequin hand on a stake on the floor, pointing towards the ceiling. He steps a little closer and notes that this hand looks to be a little too realistic - suddenly, he sees the large golden Freemason ring on the finger and comes to a realization.

The hand is the right hand of Peter Solomon.

=====

That's all you get. Hopefully that will be enough to whet your appetite for this particular book.

Suffice to say, the plot twists present in that little bit of the book are representative of the whole. All along the way, you are on the edge of your seat, wondering what will happen next. Enjoy the book, and let me know what you think of it if you read it.

Frothy Flame Fountain Fun.

2009-11-17T19:33:00.005-05:00

Last night, there was a meteor shower in this region of the country. I went with some friends up to Chilhowee Mountain to view this phenomenon, free of the light pollution in the city.

Along the way up the mountain, our packed car cranked up Weird Al Yankovic polka medleys and sang them at the top of our lungs, and finished off with a wonderful round of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." Our time actually at the peak of the mountain was an adventure in and of itself which I may or may not discuss at a later date.

However, in the middle of this late-night stargazing experience, I started getting text messages from several friends on campus... "Fountain covered in suds." "The Eternal Flame Fountain got bubbled up!" and such like. Of course, this is not the first time a fountain on Lee's campus has gotten "the soap treatment." It happened many a time to the original Eternal Flame Fountain and still happens on occasion to the fountain out in front of the Higgenbotham Administration Building.

The difference is that this new Eternal Flame Fountain was only completed on November the sixth. Two of my friends and I were the first people to roast marshmallows in the flame of the new fountain. This time, however, I do not know definitively who soaped the fountain. Whoever it was, they were the first to "bubble up" the fountain.
Our marshmallow fun.
The frothed fountain. [See more photos here.]

Speaking of fountain pranks, I'm going to take the opportunity to shoot down a campus rumor which is now prevailing due to the construction of the new fountain...

First, the old Eternal Flame Fountain was not torn down because it was ruined by the roasting of marshmallows in its flame. That is categorically false, and you can tell all your friends who say otherwise to check their facts. Take it from someone who was around to see the original fountain - it was torn down to make room for renovations to the Paul Dana Walker Arena in 2005.

Also, just for the record, though this fountain is supposedly officially named the "Chi Fountain and Flame," I'm pretty sure nobody cares. The general nomenclature for this and the previous fountains is "Eternal Flame Fountain" or simply "Flame Fountain." And while I do realize the irony in the fact that the "Eternal Flame Fountain" was demolished, I'm still not going to call this new fountain the "Chi Fountain," and I doubt that many people will, either - except Chi members, of course. On that note, the next Chi guy who says something to the effect of "it can't be eternal cuz the old one was called that, and got tore down har har har" will earn a glance of stupidity from me.

And, finally, one of my friends, upon hearing of the name-arguing, suggested a brand-spanking-new name for the Fountain: "The Semi-Eternal Fountain that will Stand for at Least Two or Three More Years till we Need More Room to Build Stuff and Tear It Down Again To Build It Somewhere Else... Flame."

That one gets my vote.

New Lee Chapel Rendering Revealed or: This Is NOT a Wedding Chapel.

2009-11-16T16:33:00.004-05:00

Lee University is building another chapel building, ladies and gentlemen.

This chapel will be located in Ocoee Street Park, the field adjacent to the Dixon Center and the Office of Admissions. This park is currently occupied by park benches; formerly, another antique house resembling the Admissions Office sat in this location.

The chapel is of a different architectural design than the rest of campus; it will not be built in the Lee University trademark red-brick style. While the precise design and color are unknown at this time, it is known that it will stand out from the rest of campus. In fact, this is the first non-red-brick building that the University has built since the Squires Library was built in 1984.

The building, contrary to popular belief, is not a "Lee wedding chapel," and they're not building it because they are not allowed to have weddings in the Conn or Dixon Centers. Its sole purpose is not to serve to marry Lee students. That's not to say that weddings will
not be held in the chapel; simply that weddings are not its sole purpose.

In addition, the building will not host a third chapel service. Many students have begged for another chapel service. Numerically we need another chapel service because even with both chapels together, we can only seat about half of the student body in any given chapel service. Still, this building will not host a third chapel service. It may or may not host overflow for the two regular chapels.

The chapel's purpose, as told by Cole Strong, assistant to President Paul Conn, is to serve as a more intimate gathering place for worship on campus. Presumably, this means that this worship center will be smaller than the Dixon Center.

Finally, to appease all you visual-hungry people, I have the artist's rendering of what the chapel might look like. Enjoy!

Tim Irwin's "Derailed" or: Michael Hyatt is an Extremely Generous Individual.

2009-11-13T16:44:00.000-05:00

Michael Hyatt is the CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers, a large Christian publishing company. I follow him on Twitter and read his blog on occasion, after stumbling upon him in the process of writing the book mentioned in this post.

Yesterday, I saw an update from him on Twitter, promoting the book of Dr. Tim Irwin entitled "Derailed: Five Lessons Learned from Catastrophic Failures of Leadership." The book is an exploration of failed leadership stories from Hewlett-Packard to Lehman Brothers. Hyatt's post can be found at this link.

Hyatt promised one hundred free copies of the book to one hundred individuals who commented on the above post and explained why they wanted to read the book and found it valuable for leadership.

I found the book's premise interesting, so I left a comment on Hyatt's post and followed his directions for qualifying for the free giveaway. Upon completion of this task, I set right to work on studying for my Comparative Governments exam [which I aced today, by the way.]

Shortly after the exam, I received an email from Lindsey Nobles, the Communications Director for Thomas Nelson. It said that Mr. Hyatt had decided to reward all those who had commented upon his post, and I would be receiving a copy of Irwin's book for free.

When I read the book, I will post a review, but this post intends to simply give honor where honor is due and thank Mr. Hyatt and Thomas Nelson Publishers for the generosity displayed in giving away these books. Thank you, Michael Hyatt.

The Ireland Series, Part IV: Tesco Welcomes You.

2009-11-12T11:44:00.000-05:00

We've just moved into our little three-story row house which will be our home for the next seven days. Unfortunately, we don't know what we will eat for the evening. Thus, we set off for the local Tesco, a grocery store chain. Tesco has drawn major press recently for asking an Indian woman to remove her religious headgear, but that's beside the point.

Along the way, we stopped at a local post office to exchange our currency. Being in the United Kingdom, we are converting our United States dollars to Great British Pounds. Being a currency collector, I know I will be keeping lots of these coins and bank notes for the collection back home.

On our way to convert our currency, we discovered something: cars in Ireland do not stop for pedestrians. Thus, you must really watch your step when attempting to cross the streets. Most of them happen to be three- or four-lane streets.

The Tesco is mere blocks from our house, so we headed off down our street to acquire our food for the evening. There is only one street to cross between here and Tesco; it has a pedestrian light. Surprise! The light only stays green for pedestrians for about five seconds - getting our group of sixteen across this four-lane street in five seconds turns out to be great fun.

The rest of the trip to Tesco travels along a public park; this particular park, the Woodvale Park, is known as a "trouble spot" in this part of town. Before long, however, we have reached our destination.

A three-story glass storefront greets us, with massive mounted red letters spelling out "TESCO" on the front. The Black Mountains form the horizon to the south and southwest of the store; to the north is a handful of neighborhoods, and to the east, Woodvale Park.

Inside, it looks just like your back-home grocery store, though of course, all the dollar signs are replaced with pound symbols and "cents" becomes "pence." This becomes our first real interaction with Northern Irish citizens as a whole. Turns out there's not a huge "Irish/American" distinction. They're just like you, shopping for their food, simply with a different accent.

Oddly, I did notice that the alcohol was not out amongst the aisles like the average American grocery store. There is literally a caged-off section with a gate through which one must pass in order to access any alcoholic products.

Part of our group is in charge of cooking group meals - they go after the food for the whole. Additionally, individuals in the group buy food with their own money and can enjoy that food on their own time, or at their own pleasure. Some of the guys discovered these massive two-liter bottles of filtered water for one pound; those became quickly popular. I also discovered six-pack bottled drinks which would come in handy for individual meals.

After about an hour, our group finally purchased our necessities and headed back to the house. We ate spaghetti that night, cooked by the group chefs. The remainder of our evening was spent relaxing at home and preparing for the days ahead.

Defending the Faith: The Demise of Christian Apologetics.

2009-11-11T17:55:00.008-05:00

This post serves as a primer on the content of the first "Defending the Faith" lecture on Lee's campus, so as to prepare them for the second lecture, taking place this evening in the School of Religion.

Apologetics of the Christian faith began nearly immediately after the life of Christ. People were believing in what he taught, and they needed to defend their beliefs to those around them.

Unfortunately, Christian apologetics declined over the years, for a number of historically significant reasons. Even now, if you try to bring up theology or apologetics in the average American church, most people will say something like "Don't try to confuse with your education!" There are four historically significant reasons for the decline of Christian apologetics.

I. The Christian withdrawal from the world.

Christians started to withdraw from the world, staying secluded amongst themselves. Historically, it was sometimes necessary, such as was the case for the oppressed Christians in Ireland; had they been out in the open, surely they would have all been killed. In fact, this is the period in which the famous Christian hymn "Be Thou My Vision" was penned, on an Irish island populated by underground Christians.

As time went by, oppression of Christians decreased; unfortunately, the withdrawal of Christians from general society mostly increased. To this day, Christians often simply say things like "You can have your beliefs, and I can have mine. We don't have to agree."

In the process, Christian apologetics suffered because Christians were no longer pressured to defend their faith. They could simply talk to other Christians about their faith with no need to declare why they were Christians, with the notable exception of pulpit testimony time. Of course, the average Christian's ability to defend their faith atrophied from lack of practice; by 2009, new Christians are almost completely unable to properly defend their faith without some degree of training that is almost universally unavailable in most American churches. The closest thing to "defense" is simply telling their story and hoping that their prospective convert will buy it.

II. The decline of evangelism into storytelling.

In fact, this storytelling pervades most evangelical circles and churches to the point that they promote their evangelism with ideas such as, "Just tell your story! Nobody can tell you that your testimony didn't happen!" Unfortunately, this leads to a poor feeling among some Christians: "I've never done drugs or anything like that, so my story can't evangelize anybody!"

Of course, not everybody's story involves drugs or alcohol or other "vices," so this simply contributes to this problem of evangelism. However, evangelism is so much more than storytelling - historical proof, scientific proof, philosophical proof, and even more. Unfortunately, the idea of simple storytelling has devolved evangelism into simple "Story Time with Sister Sally;" in addition to this, what if the potential convert buys the post-modernist's story of relativism and tolerance, simply because the Christian's story doesn't seem compelling enough?

III. The rise of intellectual apathy.

"I don't care about the square root of 1024!" screams the Algebra student. "Why do I have to know about an isosceles triangle?" asks the kid stuck in Geometry. "Why do I have to defend my faith?" asks the lazy Christian.

Christians, over time, have suffered from the same ideological laziness as the Algebra student and the average angsty high school kid. They have become intellectually apathetic. We don't care about defending our faith or the five points of Calvinism or triadic confluences of a Trinitarian God in Scripture. We only care about what we can feeeeel from God or what God can give us [Seeker Friendly 101!] if we serve Him. It's all about pleasing the churchgoer and making them feel good. Hello, Prosperity Gospel! It's all about how we feel and how much money God can give us and how cool we can build our church buildings.

Now, don't get me wrong. Knowing God is a sensory experience in many ways, including "feeling" and emotions. God does give us money and one of our liberties is to spend it how we please [though some abuse this kind of freedom.] There is nothing wrong with building a cool church building. But if that's all you're focused on, then something is seriously wrong. In fact, anything not done ultimately towards missional evangelism to the glory of God the Father is seriously lacking in purpose and direction.

In the same way, churches today are often devoid of theology. They say, "Nobody cares about that stuff. Theology is for a bunch of stuffy old codgers with canes, cigars and brandy." Quite the contrary! Theology as a discipline is something which should be at the least respected by everyone, if not practiced by everyone. Granted, some people lack the intellectual capacity or formal training to do theology properly. But even these types of people have common sense [well, at least they should] and should be able to recognize bad teaching when they see it. If they cannot, their pastor and upbringing are partially to blame, and their own intellectual apathy is otherwise to blame.

The danger here, of course, is that some people think they possess the ability and capacity to do theology properly and yet research poorly, write poorly and verify even more poorly. Why do you think we have all these theologies out there that are blatantly incorrect and even blasphemous? Because people take one verse or a handful of verses from the Bible and wayyyyy over-magnify them until that idea makes up their entire theology. Theology proper is based on God, people - not your prosperity gospel crap.

All that being said, intellectual apathy on the part of the Christian has unfortunately contributed to a decline in Christian apologetics, simply because people say "But I don't have to learn theology to be a Christian!" and think everything is alright.

IV. The liberal notion of tolerance.

Finally, liberal and post-modern notions of tolerance have nailed the coffin shut for Christian apologetics on a large scale. Christians have bought into the idea that we don't have to defend our faith because "truth is relative" and because "there are no objective standards" and because "you don't have to buy into my morals."

These ideas, under the banner of "tolerance," have been used to thoroughly kill all notions of Christian evangelism to the "enlightened" crowd of post-modernists. This has ultimately conditioned Christians met with the challenge "Tolerance!" to simply say, "Oh well, they don't have to buy into it anyway." It turns out, however, that relativism as a whole is completely self-defeating. As Frances J. Beckwith points out in his essay, "Why I Am Not a Moral Relativist," the whole notion of "individual relativism" destroys itself. What follows is a series of excerpts of Beckwith's argument.

First, a moral relativist will adamantly state that there is no objective standard of any type, that everything is relative, and that there isn't even a such thing as objective truth. If you judge other people based on their morals from your own morals, you are intolerant, closed-minded and a bigot. Thus, everyone ought to be tolerant, because all moral ideals are relative, not objective.

However, the idea of tolerance actually supports an objective moral standard, not relativism. The moral relativist's claim that everyone ought to be tolerant thereby makes tolerance an objective moral norm. In addition, relativism in and of itself is closed-minded and intolerant. To claim that no one knows any objective truth is to say that one has met and interrogated every individual on Earth and conclusively determined that they do not know the truth. But if there is no truth, why should I even bother listening to the relativist's position in the first place?

Next, relativism is judgmental, exclusivist, and partisan. A relativist will certainly take offense to this claim - they say they are non-judgmental, inclusivist and neutral. But the relativist claims that if you believe in objective truth, you are wrong. That makes relativism judgmental. Then, if there is no objective truth, then that excludes the entire idea of objective truth from a pool of legitimate options of "truth," as it were. That makes relativism exclusivist. Finally, since relativism is exclusive, it makes those who do not buy relativism automatically not members of the "right-thinking" party, therefore making relativism partisan.

Finally, if the idea of relativism is not self-refuting, as a relativist would insist, relativism then condones completely inhumane actions. What if an individual were to be executed for being a "free-radical" because their ideas differed from their culture? Why, isn't "free thinking" exactly what the relativist wants? The relativist must either side with the individual, therefore refuting themselves as pointed out above, or "respect the culture" under the banner of tolerance, therefore endorsing murder and as many other inhumane actions as a society might commit against its dissenters.

Thus, "tolerance" as a whole is completely self-refuting. However, most Christians don't take the time to realize this or read an essay or two to understand this idea, therefore giving them an excuse or a cop-out to being lazy, and therefore not defending their faith.

Now, on a related note, tonight is the second lecture in the "Defending the Faith" series here on Lee's campus. It is located in the School of Religion, room 147, at 8:30 pm this evening. Dr. Skip Jenkins will be discussing the nature of truth in a post-modern world - sound familiar? See you there!

Advance Class Selection Makes WebAdvisor Run More Slowly Than "Duke Nukem Forever."

2009-11-10T23:23:00.004-05:00

Every semester, about three-quarters of the way through, fliers go up for "Advanced Class Selection." Freshmen start complaining because they get the crappiest class selections after all the upperclassmen steal all the good classes. But of course, as one professor said, "Freshmen are ontologically inferior to upperclassmen, simply by virtue of being freshmen."

That being said, Advance Class Selection goes in waves: grad students and seniors, juniors, sophomores, freshmen, and then the ever-so-unfortunate Lee Day high school visitors. As these waves progress, more and more Facebook notes and blog posts pop up, all saying the same thing: "Next semester class schedule!" and people tag and comment away, squealing with delight over the classes they have together.

This is my equivalent to such a note or post for the Spring 2010 semester, though mine of course is ontologically superior to other notes to this effect, simply by virtue of being written by me and having more substantive content than just professors and times.

Monday.
12:00-12:50 PHED-136 - Beginning Taekwando/Self-Defense - Dr. Pope.
1:00-1:50 TCOM-241 - Broadcast Copywriting - Mrs. Dukes.
3:00-3:50 TCOM-310L Single-Camera Applications and Aesthetics II Lab - Mrs. Dukes.

Tuesday.
1:10-2:25 TCOM-260 - Radio and Television Speech - Mr. Salyer.
2:35-3:50 TCOM-310 - Single-Camera Applications and Aesthetics II - Mrs. Dukes.

Wednesday.
12:00-12:50 PHED-136 - Beginning Taekwando/Self-Defense - Dr. Pope.
1:00-1:50 TCOM-241 - Broadcast Copywriting - Mrs. Dukes.
2:00-4:50 TCOM-370 - Basic Television Production - Dr. Gilbert.

Thursday.
1:10-2:25 TCOM-260 - Radio and Television Speech - Mr. Salyer.
2:35-3:50 TCOM-310 - Single-Camera Applications and Aesthetics II - Mrs. Dukes.

Friday.
12:00-12:50 TCOM-260L - Radio and Television Speech Lab - Mr. Salyer.
1:00-1:50 TCOM-241 - Broadcast Copywriting - Mrs. Dukes.

There you have it, folks. Comment away and let me know if we're in something together.

Apollo I: The Writing Writer or: the Challenge of an Atrociously Inconcise Literary Title.

2009-11-09T14:53:00.001-05:00

Once upon a time, I decided to write a book, entitled "The Matt Smith Guide to Lee University."

As time went by, this title grew longer, until it reached "The Matt Smith Guide to Lee University: Classes, Dorm Life and Late-Night Excursions."

Then, a subtitle came along, courtesy of the one, the only Skip Jenkins. "The Matt Smith Guide to Lee University: Classes, Dorm Life and Late-Night Excursions or: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Lee University But Were Afraid to Ask and / or Had No Source of Knowledge to Tap." It stayed at this length for quite some time, until I had a conversation with Dr. Ward, a history professor at Lee.

He said that while my book title was pretty long, any book written in the seventeenth or eighteenth century, simply by virtue of having been written in that time period, would have a longer title than mine. For an example, he grabbed the book with the longest title he could think of in his collection, simply entitled "The Buccaneers of America." Upon opening the book, the first page had the entire title printed in neat lettering:

"The Buccaneers of America comprising a pertinent and truthful description of the principal acts of depredation and inhuman cruelty committed by the English and French buccaneers against the Spaniards in America, in three parts: Part one - how the French came to Hispaniola, the nature of the country and life of its inhabitants. Part two: the origin of the buccaneers their rules and way of life, various attacks on the Spaniards. Part three: the burning of Panama City by the English and French Buccaneers, together with an account of a further voyage by the author. Written by A O Exquemelin, who himself, of necessity, was present at all these acts of plunder."

Yeah.

That book title then provided a challenge - Dr. Ward challenged me to come up with a longer book title than that for my Lee University funbook. At 111 words, that title is pretty beastly, yet I took on the challenge.

After some deliberation, I finally came up with a longer title than Exquemelin's "Buccaneers of America," and I present it to you now. This long title will be printed on the inside of the book, with the shorter title going on the front cover.

"The Matt Smith Guide to Lee University: Classes, Dorm Life and Late-Night Excursions or: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Lee University But Were Afraid to Ask and / or Had No Source of Knowledge to Tap, Presented in Fifteen Parts, Hereafter Referred to as "The Shalls" : What Food One Shall Eat, What Professors One Shall Take, What Dorm One Shall Inhabit, What People One Shall Meet, What Computers One Shall Use, What Sins One Shall Not Commit, What Rules One Shall Break, What Clubs One Shall [Or Shall Not] Join, What Lies and Slander One Shall Not Believe but Rather Disavow Wholeheartedly, What Sports One Shall Play, What Orthopathic Spiritual Services One Shall Perform and Partake In, What Student Groups One Shall Know and Admire Insofar As They Are Deserving of Such Admiration, What Cars One Shall Drive, What Assistance One Shall Receive Inasmuch as Such Assistance is Necessary, and What Tomfoolery, Shenanigans, Monkey Business and Other Capers One Shall Never Partake In: written by Matthew A. O. W. S. J Smith, Who Himself, of Necessity, May or May Not Have Been A Party To All These Acts of Plunder and Even More Which Yet Remain to be Told."

This ridiculously long title tops out at 202 words, thus besting Dr. Ward's challenge by 91 words. I've written essays shorter than 202 words!

Of course, you can see some elements of Exquemelin's style in my title, most notably "who himself, of necessity, was present at all these acts of plunder," as Dr. Ward and I found this section to be quite a humorous and yet necessary portion of any title. Dr. Ward, of course, found the entirety of the title quite humorous and approved of its length and acknowledged my surpassing of his challenge.

Thus, by necessity, my book will be christened with this ridiculously long title, and all the peasants rejoiced.

BONUS POST: Fall 2009 Final Exam Schedule.

2009-11-09T11:57:00.001-05:00

Alright, guys. Bonus post time.

By now, all of you are starting to worry about final exam times for all your classes, and when you need to be where. Well, the final exam schedule is somewhat buried on the Lee University website, so I have dug it up and have reposted it here in its entirety, for your fun and profit. Go ahead and start planning your final exam sleep times and such. Trust me.

You're welcome.

Schedule of Final Examinations
Fall Semester 2009

ALL CLASSES MUST MEET DURING THE ASSIGNED EXAMINATION PERIOD.

Thursday, December 3
MWF 10:00 Classes 8:00 – 10:00 a.m.
T/R Classes beginning between 1:10 and 2:25 10:15 – 12:15 p.m.
MWF 3:00 Classes 1:00 – 3:00 p.m.
T/R Evening Classes; Tuesday only evening classes 6:00 – 8:00 p.m.

Friday, December 4
T/R Classes beginning between 7:45 and 8:50 8:00 – 10:00 a.m.
MWF 2:00 Classes 10:15 – 12:15 p.m.
MWF 9:00 Classes 1:00 – 3:00 p.m.
T/R Classes beginning between 2:35 and 3:50 3:15 – 5:15 p.m.
All GST 101 Classes 6:00 – 8:00 p.m.

Monday, December 7
MWF 12:00 Classes 8:00 – 10:00 a.m.
T/R Classes beginning between 11:45 and 1:00 10:15 – 12:15 p.m.
MWF 1:00 Classes 1:00 – 3:00 p.m.
MWF 4:00 & MW 4:30 Classes 3:15 – 5:15 p.m.
M/W Evening Classes 6:00 – 8:00 p.m.

Tuesday, December 8
MWF 8:00 Classes 8:00 – 10:00 a.m.
T/R Classes beginning between 9:00 and 10:25 10:15 – 12:15 p.m.
T/R Classes beginning between 4:00 and 5:00 1:00 – 3:00 p.m.
MWF 11:00 Classes 3:15 – 5:15 p.m.
Thursday Only evening classes 6:00 – 8:00 p.m.

PHYSICAL EDUCATION ACTIVITY CLASSES and PRIVATE INSTRUCTION will be examined during the last regular class period of the semester. Classes beginning at 5:00 and after are considered to be Evening Classes. The University reserves the right to change the schedule without notice.

The Red Bathrobe: A Simple Answer to "Why?"

2009-11-06T19:33:00.003-05:00

On campus, I am known for wearing a red bathrobe over my clothes to many events on campus, especially those at night. Of course, people ask me and my friends the question, "Why?"

The answer is simple: it is warm, comfortable and unique. It basically serves the function of a hoodie or coat, while being unique such that I am identifiable by it. In addition, it is comfortable to wear. That's the sole answer.

Unfortunately, some people refuse to ask me this question to my face - they resort to asking each other. This results in many crackpot ideas as to why I wear a red bathrobe. The most egregious of these ideas is what the individual called a "Hugh Hefner mentality." What did they mean by this?

Apparently, this individual believes that Hugh Hefner wears a bathrobe so that he's always "ready for sex." Really, people!?

You think that I wear a bathrobe so that I'm always ready for sex? Seriously? Let me tell you a little about myself. I am a virgin and proud of it. I haven't had a girlfriend in over a year, and the next time I get a girlfriend, it won't be for sex. I'm not into whoring myself out, or whoring out some girl. My goal is not to just get it on with anybody - my wife will be getting me first, and only.

Now, you people really have some misplaced courage to judge me on the basis of being ready for sex - unfortunately, you have not had the courage to reveal yourself to me and talk about it to my face. I found out about this through a friend. Now, you spineless slanderers, here's my open letter to you: Come to me next time you want to judge me.

Pac-Man, Sketchy Van and Vehicle Idiosyncracies.

2009-11-03T23:27:00.004-05:00

When switching from car to car, one often forgets the little things about each car that one becomes accustomed to as time goes by.

My first car was a 1988 Ford Mustang hatchback named "Pac-Man." It required some serious mechanical repair before it was drivable, and still has a handful of quirks. For example, the windows squeak on the way down, and the passenger door handle is broken. The sunroof leaks when it rains. The left rear taillight is broken and there is no air-conditioning.

But this car has character, you see. My car can be heard from three blocks away. I can leave Medlin and people in Sharp-Davis will call me and ask where I'm going! People ask what I did to my exhaust; the answer is a simple "nothing."

When I bought the car, it was ridiculously loud. I never got around to finding out why; I just let it be loud and call it a trait of the car. Once upon a time, I decided to find out why my car was so loud. When I climbed under the car, it didn't take long to find the answer: my muffler basically doesn't exist. There is a large keyhole-shaped gap in my muffler, to the tune of about eight inches long and three across. So that's why it's so loud!

Right now, I most frequently drive a large Ford Aerostar van christened "The Tick." It has air conditioning and the sunroof doesn't leak when it rains, by virtue of not having a sunroof. It has a digital fuel economy gauge, to further aid in my hypermiling pursuits. It has plenty of space for video equipment, musical gear or "moving day" for the dorm. Simply put, besides the 14.3 miles per gallon average fuel economy versus the Mustang's 19, it's pretty much an all-around more comfortable vehicle than the Mustang has ever been.

Well, this weekend I got the desire to take the Mustang back out, after having been driving the big sketchy van for four months. I filled it up on transmission fluid, antifreeeze, coolant, water, and a touch of engine oil for good measure. I wiped down the windshields, windows and sunroof and added some gas. With that, I took off down the road and all the minutia of the Pac-Man flooded back to me like a wave of exhaust-tinged awesomeness. I've been driving it for a couple of days now, and it's been really great to have Pac-Man back.

Cuts Marked in the March of Mice and Men.

2009-11-02T14:55:00.001-05:00

You're probably going to eat in the dining hall today.

When you do, pay attention to the general vicinity of the kitchen.

Inevitably, a student or faculty member is going to lose their grip on a stack of plates and those plates will hit the floor. Whether those plates break or not, they make a pretty loud commotion when they drop. Now, watch what happens - when someone drops a stack of dishes, people invariably applaud at their clumsiness. "Hey, look at butterfingers over here!" This brings me to the point of this article:

STOP IT.

This is an open letter to people who applaud when dishes are dropped: STOP IT! Take the high road, people! If you drop a dish, it's embarrassing enough dealing with the sound and the potential of the dish being broken. It's not very Christian of you to add to that embarrassment by sardonically applauding their accident. If you want to applaud at accidents, hang out with me. I drop stuff and have accidents all the time. Applaud me for that crap, because I can take it. Don't embarrass these poor people by drawing more attention to their accident.

This came to a head last Friday when a few tables applauded at the dropping of a stack of dishes. I called them out on it publicly: "Really? Don't do that! Do not clap when someone drops a dish. That's a douchebag move!" I probably made an enemy or two, but in the interest of taking the high road, I will be the public enemy to make a point. All that being said, stop it. Seriously.

If you still see fit to clap at such an event, it simply displays that you truly are mice, not men. You're not brave enough to do the right thing - you're just coward enough to sit at your table and applaud. [Thank you, John Steinbeck.]

Next time somebody drops a dish, go help them pick it up and share in their burden, you lazy diners. I will applaud you for it.

Posting Breakdowns or: Skip Jenkins' 2/3-Term Exams Trump Blog Writing.

2009-10-27T23:33:00.000-04:00

Some of you may have noticed that I did not post on Thursday.

Some of you, perhaps more, may have also noticed that I did not post yesterday.

This is the result of a crazy week filled with stage work and exam preparation.

You see, on Saturday and Sunday, the majority of my time was spent setting up the stage lights and video preparations for They Came Running's concert on Sunday night, the 25th of October.

The show was awesome, by the way.

In addition to this, I have been formulating my answers to Skip Jenkins' 2/3-term exam for this Thursday.

The exam works like this: you get the questions seven days in advance, and agonize over the answers and formulate them to the best of your ability. Then, you memorize the answers you formulate. On exam day, you bring in a blue book and write out your memorized answers in ninety minutes. And trust me, it will take you all ninety minutes to finish your answers, provided they are good ones.

So, if you don't see me posting until after Thursday, you now know why. You have my bidding, and farewell, dear readers!

DZT Delivered or: I Have Significant Powers of Persuasion on Lee's Campus.

2009-10-23T21:53:00.003-04:00

Phil Lofton once described me as the "hands" of Lee University - when you want something to get done, you get me working on it.

Well, remember Wednesday's post where I called for a public apology on behalf of Delta Zeta Tau, for the purpose of clearing up the misunderstanding concerning the hiring of They Came Running?

On Thursday, the Vice President of DZT was supposed to call me, for me to directly and respectfully call for this public statement. Even now, she has not called, but all that is aside. I was annoyed by Thursday night that I had not received the call.

Around midnight, a group of girls were coming down our hall selling T-shirts. When they get to my door, what do I hear but, "Hi! We're from DZT! Would you like to buy a T-shirt for our Harvest Hoedown tomorrow night?" "Well, funny you should mention. I have actually been trying to get to your Vice President all day today."

The conversation ensued in which I outlined my desire for a public statement of DZT's advertising fumble. Ultimately, the President of DZT was called over to my door and there I stood, with three DZT girls explaining my position.

The President agreed with me, and said that the advertising fumble was in their court, not that of They Came Running. She ultimately said that she would personally make sure that at the Hoedown, a public announcement was made in order to "clear the bill" of They Came Running.

Thus, tonight, in order to see that the promise was fulfilled, I went to the Hoedown. As soon as the event started, the emcees took the stage and started telling of all the food and fun to be had in the evening.

Then, before even speaking about the band that was playing, they took thirty seconds and very explicitly explained that the advertising for the other live band was a fumble on the part of DZT, and it was not a case of the band flaking out. They even specifically said, "It was completely our fault, not the band's fault."

Thus, I was pleasantly surprised. They Came Running is cleared, and there is no "air of flakiness" hanging overhead right before They Came Running's biggest show of the year, in the Conn Center this Sunday, October 25.

That, and I, one of the premier anti-Greek-club students on Lee's campus, was pleased in the behavior of Delta Zeta Tau this evening. I've never thought that Greek clubs could not do good - I just didn't think that they did. DZT, however, really showed their integrity this evening by admitting their mistake and clearing the name of They Came Running. Take a bow, DZT - I personally applaud you.

Running Out of Ink...

2009-10-21T11:53:00.001-04:00

Hello, readers! You may have noticed a new header here on Wordsmitherd.

This new header was hand-drawn by the one, the only Breck Arnold, the drummer for They Came Running. If you look closely, you can see his name in the design.

He sketched and colored this by hand, and it was subsequently scanned in, resized and laid onto the site. Special thanks to Matt Horton for his assistance in the high-quality scanning of the image.

Before long, sweet America, you will see fliers bearing this design around campus. When you see these fliers, people are sure to start asking questions - go ahead and explain to them about Wordsmitherd and invite them to read away!

In a completely unrelated sidebar, They Came Running is being promoted as the live band at Delta Zeta Tau's Harvest Hoedown on Friday, followed by U-Church on Sunday night. This is in error.

The organizers of the event hired They Came Running to play, then asked them to back out in order to allow another band to play. This other band has been begging to play the Hoedown, so TCR graciously stepped back to allow the other band to play.

Now, the email lists and fliers all over campus say that They Came Running is playing at the Hoedown. But wait, they asked TCR not to play! When Friday comes around, the Hoedown live band is going to come up, and they won't be They Came Running.

Then, it's going to look like They Came Running failed to show up and TCR is going to look bad. That might even end up with lower attendance at U-Church on Sunday. But friends, know that They Came Running did as they were asked, and DZT has misrepresented the live band in their advertising.

An open letter to DZT: You need to make a public statement that you asked They Came Running to bow out, and that you screwed up the advertising for your event. If you do not, respect for your club will go down in terms of advertising.

Also, you need to be at the U-Church show on Sunday night. It is going to be a fantastic concert, for a number of reasons. One particular reason, by the way, is that I am running the lights. Let's get pumped!

The Ireland Series, Part III: Hello, City!

2009-10-20T17:11:00.001-04:00

Murals line the walls. Large gates crown long walls, entitled "peace gates." Anti-developer sentiments encroach on construction sites.

As we drive up Shankill Road for the first time, we take in all the sights. There's a pub which looks highly trafficked. A number of carryout restaurants line the streets; I'm sure we'll be eating at several of those restaurants before long. There sits the Saint Matthew's Parish, a shining example of trefoil architecture. Another block up and we arrive at our house.

The house is a three-story row house, two rooms wide and three rooms deep. Our house sits at the apex of the curve of the street, where Shankill Road turns into Woodvale. A large living room occupies both the front and the side of the house on the ground floor, and a little breakfast room across the hall fills out the rest of the front area.

The kitchen sits behind the breakfast room, taking up the rear of the house. A small, gated courtyard leads to a locked, private parking lot. Climbing two flights of stairs, there are three bedrooms and a bathroom. This is quickly designated as the "girls' floor." Climbing the next flight of stairs, a large window overlooks the courtyard and the parking lot.

Climbing the fourth and final flight of stairs leads to three more bedrooms and an awkwardly-shaped bathroom. This bathroom consists of a shower stall, a sink and toilet, and a window which overlooks the courtyard, providing much natural light.

The largest bedroom up here sleeps five; with the addition of an air mattress for James, it sleeps six. I quickly claim the corner bed, which is more accurately described as a long chair, much like one might see in a Hollywood psychiatrists' office. But wait, what's this? Irish organizational rules state that no minors may sleep in the same room as adults. This distinction is determined by age; the age eighteen, to be exact.

I am turning eighteen in four days; will I have to switch sleeping rooms halfway through our trip? And what now, another missionary group of three is joining us in this house? Before long, it is determined that because our guys are all from the same church group, the sleeping rules do not apply, so all of our guys slept in the six-bedroom.

Meanwhile, the girls are getting settled in on the second floor, but who cares about them? Just kidding!

We're finally settled into the house, but we still don't know what we're going to eat for the evening. Thus is our predicament, until next time...

Homemade News Jam.

2009-10-19T16:44:00.003-04:00

Today's post is an amalgam of about eighteen-and-a-half different news pieces that were not deserving of their own post, but were too important to be overlooked.

First, two more new Dixon doors were installed today. I had previously mentioned them in this post, but the second set was just now installed on the eastern side of the Dixon Center lobby.

Second, there is a new bike rack outside the Dining Hall. Now, I know I have decried the bike racks on campus before, but I refuse to use it, similarly to how I refuse to use the bicycle rack in front of the School of Religion. Why? The overarching reason is that the racks themselves are both too tall and too short at the same time. How so, you ask?

The rack is too short to facilitate chaining your bicycle frame to it. At the same time, it is too tall to chain your back wheel to, because the derailleur on the bicycle comes down lower than the rack allows. Thus, you must carefully move your derailleur to chain your bike to the rack, and risk damaging your derailleur in the process.

But what about the front wheel? Well, as we all know, front wheels are designed to be easily removed. It happens all the time. Thus, you chain your front wheel to the bike rack and you come back to just a front wheel. Then, the thief takes a front wheel from a bicycle with its back wheel chained up and, voila, they have a new, fully assembled bicycle.

As if these mechanical complaints were not agitating enough, the bicycle rack in front of the dining hall is not even bolted down!

This is before moving...

And after.

All this took was a hand on the rack and the whole thing moved. I discovered it on accident one day when I chained my bicycle to the new rack. I pulled on it to make sure it was secure, and the rack came with it! Up until Thursday, October 8, neither was the one in front the School of Religion. For a time, on the permission of a professor, I actually brought my bike into the School of Religion and parked it in the back of the classroom during our class.

While I was asked to not bring my bike into the School of Religion shortly thereafter, [which I have respected, by the way,] I still refuse to use the short bike rack out front due to its lack of security. The bike rack in the back, the tall one that was actually decent, was removed around the same time, which is what prompted the professor to give me permission to bring it inside in the first place.

Thus, I now categorically state that I will chain my bicycle to whatever is conveniently available that securely holds my bike, and that does not include the short racks in front of the Dining Hall or the School of Religion. To that end, in order to draw attention to the bike rack problem, I will continue to do so until proper bike racks and sufficient numbers of said bike racks are provided. Anyway, bike rants aside...

Thirdly and finally, the Mathematics wing of the new Science Building and the Eternal Flame Fountain are progressing along at an extremely fast pace. At this rate, the fountain may be operational before the Spring, and as per projected occupation dates, the Mathematics wing will likely be occupied before the Spring as well.

Well, I hope that this post hasn't been too scatterbrained for comprehension. You can tell that I have some passionate feelings about the bike rack situation! Look forward to the continuation of The Ireland Series tomorrow.

Fall Break? Fallout? Falling Behind?

2009-10-15T23:53:00.002-04:00

And thus, Lee University's fall break has begun.

As people go home for the long weekend, so Wordsmitherd takes a two-day break from posting.

I know you are probably disappointed. But read on, dear readers, for there is good news!

While there will not be a post for tomorrow, and admittedly, today's post is more of a public service announcement than a post, I am using these two days to write lengthy articles that are sometimes difficult to write on a daily basis. Thus, you can expect some great new posts in the coming weeks! But until then...

"Don't feed the Yao Guai! That is all."

The Ireland Series, Part II: While the Sparrow Sleeps.

2009-10-14T17:11:00.005-04:00

We pull into the Chattanooga airport and offload our van into the lobby. Now, the Chatt airport is miniscule compared to O'Hare International and Dublin Airport in which we will soon be arriving. Our flightplan is to catch a connecting flight from Chattanooga to Chicago's O'Hare International, where we will have a six-hour layover, followed by an eight-hour flight to Dublin.

Here we stand, waiting in the first of many, many lines to come. Good thing there are two or three queues open. Just as our first few people reach the counters, there is a problem. The airport staff radios start going off. Our flight is due to leave Chattanooga at 1:30pm; here we are at 12:50 and the airport terminal computers are down. And so, we wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Did I mention we waited?

It's 1:20 and we are still standing in the terminal. We haven't even been through security yet. There's talk of putting us on a bus to Nashville to fly to Chicago from there, and subsequently to Dublin. Sure, we have a six-hour layover, but is that enough time to make a two-hour drive to Nashville, a ninety-minute flight to Chicago, then make it through the Chicago terminal and through security and customs to catch that flight to Dublin?

Then comes a break in the clouds - wait, what? The airport staff are going to finish checking in our group on paper without their computer system, then send us through security and on to our flight, all the while holding our plane for us.

Check-in takes even longer than usual as all our information must be taken down by hand. We roll to security, and everything goes smoothly. We climb aboard the plane and a minor claustrophobic feeling nearly kicks in - this is a very small plane if I have ever seen one! I grab a window seat right atop the wing for this, my historic first takeoff.

Yes, it's true. Before this trip, I had never flown before.

Our connecting flight goes smoothly. The initial uneasiness of flight - "What happens if...?" - passes quickly and I settle into the sounds of Liquid Tension Experiment on my iPod. Before I know it, the clouds break and we are descending toward O'Hare International Airport. As soon as the device warning is clear, I turn on my cell phone to occupy myself for the next several hours. I have brought along an old "clunker" cell phone filled with the numbers of five or six texting buddies for the layovers - of course, I will be unable to text anybody while in Ireland, thanks to international rates.

The layover is uneventful. I ate some kind of beef sandwich from a local restaurant in the airport. Other than that, I mostly converse with members of our group, text my friends, and listen to music on my iPod. I spent a decent amount of time on the phone with a Lee friend explaining the Halo universe and backstory - she thought I was ridiculous. Oh well. This is getting to be a pretty long layover. And so, we sit.

And sit.

And sit.

Why didn't I bring my laptop, again?

Then comes boarding time - we are climbing aboard a plane to Dublin, Ireland! I send my goodbye text messages and put my phone away. I watch the safety videos and idly wonder what the inflight movies will be - hopefully "Biodome" with Pauly Shore is not amongst them. Turns out they are "Hotel for Dogs" and some other utterly uninteresting film which I have no interest in seeing. Before long, I realize that sleeping in this particular position is extremely difficult - I have an aisle on one side, a girl I do not know very well on the other, and a sketchy tray table that may or may not be able to support my weight. Mmm.

After a little while, I take to having theological discussions with the people in my row, who are a part of my group. I drew out the Skip Jenkins timeline of the history of Christianity and explained the ideas of Calvinism. They can apparently fall asleep more easily than I can, and before long I am alone in my music. I wish I had brought along my MacBook so I can type blog posts, but alas, I did not. Dinner was served, and it was actually decent for an airline meal.

Thus the title of this post - the nearly-sleepless flight became a game of what I would do to occupy myself while the sparrow sleeps. The flight seemed to drag on.

And on.

And on.

Did I mention that this was a long flight?

Ultimately, I did end up falling asleep for about an hour, by leaning on the sketchy tray table. Unfortunately, I woke up with sore wrists and and a sore neck. Fortunately, there was an episode of the Office just starting as I woke up, so before long I forgot about my physical ailments. Breakfast came around and served to wake me up further, though those croissant things tasted like crap. The sunlight pierced through the aircraft windows, making me wish I had a window seat for the purposes of photography.

Finally, we are landing in Dublin! Our plane is descending and I can see rolling green hills and blue waters, covered by morning fog. We disembark from the plane on some really sketchy wet stairs and go through Irish customs. Once we are through, we meet our escort and catch a shuttle to the car rental service, for we plan to drive to Belfast.

We arrive at the center, and are met with yet another problem. There are sixteen people in our group, and the rental agency has reserved two seven-seater manual transmission cars. Obviously, this is not enough seating, and we do not have a third qualified driver. After about thirty minutes of searching and poking around, a miracle occurred.

The rental agency had just begun renting large vans, and just that morning, two nine-passenger, automatic-transmission vans had arrived. They hadn't even been given the official markings of the rental agency, but they rented them out to us. We loaded up our luggage into the vans, one blue and one red, and headed off for Belfast, Northern Ireland.

Little did we know our rental location would come back to haunt us...

They Did It Again or: The Loathings of Typographical Errors and Poor Fact-Checking on the Part of the Lee University Office of Publications.

2009-10-13T17:11:00.001-04:00

Once upon a time, a mystical musical group entitled They Came Running visited Lee's campus in a U-Church service.

Around the same time, the U-Church flyers came out, and they contained an egregious typographical error which I wrote about in this post.

This time, they've done it again. Even after ranting about it last time, the Office of Publications still screwed up They Came Running's flyer space on the chapel schedule. Some of them were even the same errors as the last time.

This time, they actually spelled "They Came Running" correctly. Unfortunately, they again called TCR a five-piece band and only named four members. They left out Dustin, the guitarist.

Also, note the lack of an "and" between Chas Covington and Breck Arnold. "Zachariah Dallas, Nathan Presswood, Chas Covington, Breck Arnold call Lee University and Cleveland, TN home." That was correct in the old flyer because their names were in parentheses; this time, they are not and it is extremely frustrating.

Finally, to top it all off, they made a new error: they misspelled the lead singer's name! It's Zechariah Dallas. I am annoyed by this because all the members of They Came Running are my personal friends, and I really want the Office of Publications to produce their flyers correctly.

Open letter to University Publications, again: Come on. They Came Running really deserves better than that. Seriously.

Also, the light show for They Came Running's set on October 25th is my domain. That makes it personal.

The Ireland Series, Part I: Inspiration.

2009-10-12T14:33:00.001-04:00

The year is 2006. I have never been out of the country, nor have I flown on a plane. I don't know much about Ireland, and my church says something about an Ireland trip coming up in 2007.

This is the closest I have ever been to even being able to go out of the country; I have never even had such an opportunity. I started researching about Ireland and loved it. I read about the culture, the language, and all manner of anything else I could find. Being part-Irish myself, it was also self-education.

Alas, despite my attempts, I was unable to go on the Ireland trip in 2007. Then, I discovered that plans were already in the works for Ireland 2009. I determined that I was going on the trip, no matter what. I wrote letters. I called people. I joined the Facebook event for "Ireland 09."

Next thing you know, it's fundraising time in 2008. God blessed me with some very generous donations, and I was all paid off for Ireland 2009. A variety of summer job stints provided me with some spending money. The tickets were reserved and I was getting pumped. Ireland 2009 was part of my summer plans. "So, what're you doing this summer?" As opposed to my typical answer of "nothing in particular," my answer was an exuberant "Ireland!"

Now it's June 30th. I am packed and ready. I have only had my brand new iPhone for a few hours, and I am about to leave it behind for twelve days - oh, the irony!

I hung out at IHOP and Wal-Mart with a couple of the other guys from the trip for a couple of hours, then went home and slept for about six hours. The next morning, I drove to the Lodge, helped load the van for the drive to the Chattanooga airport, and climbed aboard.

And here we... GO!

The Ireland Series: A Minor Realization.

2009-10-09T15:53:00.002-04:00

So, after yesterday's post, I came to a realization...

At the average length thus far, The Ireland Series is going to be roughly one hundred posts long. This is going to be fun.

Also, this will make The Ireland series my most epic series to date, and Ireland my most populous blog label.

In keeping with this epic theme, the title of every post in The Ireland Series will be titled with the most epically fitting title for each article; for example, the first title will be entitled "The Ireland Series, Part I: Inspiration." [I know so because I'm already typing it.] After that, you will get to look forward to the fun of each epic title.

That being said, enjoy The Ireland Series!

The Ireland Series.

2009-10-08T12:31:00.000-04:00

I went to Ireland this past summer.

In sitting down and telling the stories verbally, it takes nearly three hours to explain all the shenanigans that went on, and tell all the history and humorous backstories to our Irish adventures.

In an attempt to chronicle these stories, I am going to post a series of articles entitled "The Ireland Series" in which I tell all the many stories from my trip the Emerald Isle. A couple of Ireland stories have already been covered in this post and this post, but now I am going to be more meticulous and go day-by-day and tell of all that occurred while in Ireland.

Here's to hoping you enjoy the series - it's gonna be a long one!

Scary Green Mist.

2009-10-07T21:27:00.003-04:00

This quote was spoken by the one, the only Phil Lofton, in reference to "9."

"Oh yeah, 9 was amazing. The visuals were great. It was just too short!"

"Didn't it seem like a kids' movie?"

"Well, I thought it came pretty close a couple times. Like #1, he was a total tool, and everybody was like 'He's not the boss of us' and you think it's going to turn into an underdog kids' story."

"I noticed that too."

"Then, just as you least expect it, #1 is eaten by a spider. A big, robotic mechanical spider that sucks out his soul in a scary green mist."

You Owe Me a Cape.

2009-10-05T12:57:00.002-04:00

This past Friday night, I went to see "9" with a group of Lee guys, as part of the epic plot previously mentioned in this post.

We showed up just in time to catch the last trailer before the film's opening. As the film opened, the visuals immediately make one's eyes glow with excitement and beauty.

The film looked fantastic. That's the bottom line. Everything about it looked so visually appealing, that this film is worth the money even just for the cinematic beauty, all plot value aside. The stitchpunks move so realistically, it's uncanny.

The plot was good, albeit short. The storyline was very interesting and left me wanting more after the film; certainly, its 79 minutes could have been expanded. Whether a sequel will come out is unknown.

The music was good, albeit lacking in the form of Coheed and Cambria's "Welcome Home." The song was present in the trailer, yet missing from the film. My accompanying Lee guys and I were quite disappointed by its absence. Even then, Danny Elfman scored the film, of "Batman" and "The Nightmare Before Christmas" fame.

I will not spoil the film's plot for you, though I will tell you that if you have not seen it already, it is certainly worth it. Tim Burton and Danny Elfman teaming up has almost always been fantastic historically; they proved the value of their teamwork again with "9."

Sidebar: Yes, I realize this continues the series of movie reviews uncharacteristic of my movie-viewing habits, as referenced in this post and this post.

Epic Plots for Fun and Profit!

2009-10-02T13:28:00.001-04:00

I have been asked to participate in an epic plot of moviegoing and downtown-wandering proportions. We're going to see what happens.
Plus, Phil Lofton is involved. This can only be good.

Three Weeks of Consecutive Work - Now at an End.

2009-10-01T23:47:00.001-04:00

3:50 pm this afternoon marked the end of a three-week homework streak. For the past three weeks, my days have literally been one homework assignment after another. I had no time to play video games or do much extracurricular activity; if I did play games or hang out, I did so with a little "homework rain cloud" over my head.

"Alright, I'm done with this exam. Now I have to turn in a paper Monday. Wait, I have a PRP due on Tuesday. Then, I have a script to write and a video to film. Dang it, there is a worksheet due on Wednesday. More papers on Thursday? Really?"

That has been my last three weeks - no more. I bought Dan Brown's novel "The Last Symbol" on its release date, but have yet to be able to crack it open because of work and projects due. I bought Fallout 3 and my roommate has played three times as much as I have, because of work and projects due. I have a handful of other books waiting to be read on my shelf, and I haven't been able to because of work and projects due.

This evening, I played video games, watched Internet videos, and drank Pepsi and hung out with friends, all for fun and without a homework cloud. Life is good.

Defending the Faith: An Introduction.

2009-09-30T22:27:00.001-04:00

Tonight marked the kickoff of a new lecture/conversation series on the Lee University campus: "Defending the Faith."

Led by Terry Cross, Skip Jenkins, Jimmy Harper, and Jason Steffenhagen, audience questions are fielded via paper and via text messaging. Each meeting is based on a particular topic, and questions are then submitted on that topic to be answered by the hosts.

Tonight, the lecture kicked off with a historical narrative detailing Christian apologetics in the past and present, followed by an introduction of format and fielding of a handful of topics for future meetings.

While future meeting places have yet to be determined, I will announce it in the future on this blog. I hope to see you there.

"Why should I go," you ask? Because apologetics are important. It is important to be able to intellectually defend your faith, not just say "I believe..." unable to back it up with anything substantive. By the way, "it's what I was taught" is not substantive.

More on apologetics and importance later. Anyway, you should come.

Bike Rack Travesty and Poorly Written Notices.

2009-09-29T16:44:00.003-04:00

I ride a bicycle all around campus, a lot.

As a biker, I have noticed a two-fold phenomenon: first, there are not enough bike racks to accommodate all the bicycles on campus. Secondly, compounding this problem, there has been a significant increase in bicycle presence this fall.

As bike rack space is frequently a problem, I often end up chaining my bike to light poles, trees or whatever else happens to present itself at the time. I have even seen two bikes chained to the same light pole and/or tree.

Today, I chained up my bike to the light pole just outside the Dining Hall doors. When I returned from lunch, I found the following poorly-typed notice on the bike:

Last semester, I received one handwritten notice to the same effect. On one day, and one day only, Campus Safety passed out these handwritten notices to bikes chained "illegitimately." For the same reason, the lack of bike racks on campus, I disregarded said notice. This time, though, being typed, I stuffed it into my backpack and started to ponder it.

I biked over to the School of Religion, sherbet ice cream in hand as usual, to chain up my bike and go to my Ethics class with Skip Jenkins. When I reached the west side of the building, I realized that the bike rack from behind the School of Religion was gone. I went around to the newly-installed front rack to find that it was full. Thus, again, I am forced to chain my bike to a light pole.

I had a sneaking suspicion of what would happen while I was in class. When I left class, my suspicions were confirmed. Another notice of the same type was on my bike again. Could it be that "illegitimate chainings" are being cracked down upon?

Could it be that the step from handwritten to typed warnings is a step towards heavier enforcement and punishment? One person suggested that in the future, bikes "illegitimately chained" will be confiscated and in order to get them back, one must visit the Campus Safety office and pay a fine. It would be done this way because students are not required to register their bicycles.

Or could it simply be that Physical Plant is tired of repairing railings, light poles and other surfaces to which bikes are chained? After some asking around, I found out that Physical Plant is especially tired of one bike in particular. This bike has been chained to a light pole in Alumni Park for over two weeks. Workers have had to mow around it for this extended period of time.

It could be a combination of both. Perhaps they desire to crack down on such chainings to help Physical Plant and intend to step up enforcement and penalties to facilitate it?

My only beef in all this mayhem is that given the lack of bike racks on campus, students are frequently forced to chain up their bicycles outside of a standard rack. If this talk of "enforcement and confiscation" is true, I say no such action can be taken until more bike racks are added to accommodate the growing numbers of bicycles on the Lee University campus. In fact, no such action can be taken before they announce such a change. In the meantime, I intend to keep riding my bike and chaining it to bike racks if possible. If not, I will chain it to whatever I have to.

Coincidentally, on the same day, another bike rack was added out in front of the Deacon Jones Dining Hall:

This comes on the same day that the School of Religion rack was removed. In fact, another student believes that all the bike racks should be scrapped in favor of racks of that allow one to chain up the front and back wheels in addition to the frame.

The point in all this is to say that if the Administration wants bicycles chained up properly, they must provide the adequate rack space with which to do so. So, Administration, if you're listening, please add more bike racks to heavily-biked areas on campus, such as the Dining Hall and the PCSU. If they are the "proper" kind which allow front-and-back-wheel chaining, that'd be even nicer. Thank you.

And All the Financiers Rejoiced.

2009-09-28T15:44:00.002-04:00

Remember Friday's post about Caesar, the Lee student with a bad loan and a crisis? Well, wake up, wastelanders! The story gets better!

Over the weekend, Medlin men rallied together and started calling churches, parents and organizations in an attempt to raise the money. On Friday afternoon, at the time of the posting, we had twelve dollars with which to keep Caesar at Lee.

As time went by, one church pledged to match dollar-for-dollar, up to $500. Another student committed financial aid of his own towards Caesar's plight. Multiple students donated their own money, and RA's went around collecting money at curfew check. Finally, a couple of anonymous donors made very large contributions and we crossed the line to $1600.

This situation really shows God coming through in the works. Our plasma drive didn't work because the plasma center shut down from the rains. I think this is also a fantastic testament to the character of Medlin Men to donate their own money and call in for help.

Lee has kept one of its best, and all the financiers rejoiced.

Technical Failures Plus Bank Errors Equals Bad.

2009-09-25T17:07:00.003-04:00

One of your Lee colleagues is in a bind. Thanks to a bank failure and some technical malfunctions, he now finds himself short $1,600 of being able to stay here at Lee for this semester. Any donations or suggestions you can make are welcomed.

In addition to this, we came up with a plan.

For donating plasma for your first time, you receive $20 cash. If at least eighty people will donate plasma and donate their profit to Caesar, his problem will be solved and Lee will not lose one of its frontrunners of the intellectual community.

The process takes three hours maximum to fill out all the paperwork for the first time and do all the medical shenanigans. Proof of address, your Social Security card, and a photo ID are required. After your first visit, you don't have to fill out the paperwork for a year, and you can donate twice a week. That's a pretty steady income for you college students and others; this is a relatively small time requirement to keep one of Lee's best and brightest here.

Please contact me if you are interested. Thank you for your time.

Have I no social life? We'll see.

2009-09-24T20:21:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time, I had lunch at 11:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays after chapel. On one particular Thursday, my 1:10 class was canceled. I went into the dining hall thereabouts of 11:30.

I ate and socialized all the way through the dining hall lunch hours until 2:00. Since they don't kick you out of the dining hall between lunch and dinner, I was still sitting in there by 2:30.

On this particular day, I had a meeting in the Faculty Dining Room at 3pm, so I figured I'd just stick around until that meeting. I was in the meeting for an hour and a half, until 4:30. At 4:30, I left the meeting and started eating dinner in the dining hall.

Of course, bouncing from table to table between different people, I socialized and such in the dining hall until 7:30, when they started flashing the lights to signal all of us late-goers to leave.

Thus, I once stayed in the dining hall from 11:30 to 7:30 in one day. Eight hours straight represents the current campus record.

That, and combined with the fact that I have been "light-flashed" out of the dining hall a total of seven times. The dining staff must get tired of me eventually...

Culture Shock Pizza.

2009-09-23T16:23:00.001-04:00

This past summer, I took an eleven-day trip to Ireland. We spent eight days in Belfast, Northern Ireland, and thus became familiar with several of the restaurants in the area.

We were staying in a three-story row house on Shankill Road. Right along Shankill are numerous restaurants; our favorite was a little pizza/kebab shop called Turkish Kebab about five minutes walking distance from the house.

On Tuesday night, July 7, we climbed the Black Mountains overlooking Belfast. It's about 1,250 feet above sea level, and visible is the Belfast coast. The mountain itself is home to the Black Mountain Telecommunications Tower and a decommissioned police barracks belonging to the Police Force of Northern Ireland. Visible from the mountaintop were Samson and Goliath, the flagship cranes of Harland and Wolff Shipyard. This is the yard which built the RMS Titanic and the HMS Belfast. Anyway...

We spent five hours climbing the mountain, taking photographs and simply admiring the view, then climbing back down via an uncharted path. When we got back into the city, we were all ready for some food. We went to the Turkish Kebab and ordered carryout to take back to the house.

While I was eating, a revelation gave me pause for a moment: here I was, sitting in Belfast, Northern Ireland, United Kingdom, eating Hawaiian-style pizza, from a restaurant called Turkish Kebab.

Talk about culture shock! That was culture shock in a slice if I ever saw it!

"District 9" Dressed to the Nines [Pun Certainly Intended.]

2009-09-22T16:44:00.001-04:00

This past Sunday night, I was privileged to see "District 9" while hanging out with an old friend. I found the film extremely interesting, for a number of reasons.

Sidebar: Yes, I do realize that I have posted two film reviews within one week. This does not normally happen because I don't go to the movies this often. It just so happened that I wound up seeing two movies over the same weekend.

SPOILER ALERT: What you read after the jump might spoil the experience for you. Read carefully. If you desire not to read spoilers, read another post.

The film, as I interpreted it, was basically a social commentary on how a society treats its lowest class of people. The aliens whose ship came to rest over Johannesburg were matriculated into the city, living in a slum called "District 9." These aliens, called "prawns," are looked down upon in society. This phenomenon can be seen by "No Prawn" signs outside restaurants, etc. and by the way the protagonist is treated in public.

Rather than being a skin-color issue or a financial-class issue, the "lowest class" was actually an alien species. This created an interesting twist on the classic "underdog" story. The first half or so of the film was presented in a documentary-type style, featuring interviews with "experts" concerning the events of the society. This motif returned at the very end, for the "big finish" which I will not spoil for you.

That, and of course, the other fantastic part of the film was watching the many ways in which people died. Alien weaponry is very interesting, and often resulted in extremely bloody, explosive deaths, all of which made for great special-effects material. My personal favorite death was the armor-suit's magnetic-force holding all the bullets in the arms camp, then quickly and easily shooting all the shooters with those bullets. Fantastic, fantastic scene indeed. The action sequences of the film made for great plot twists; the surprises really made the film that much more enjoyable.

Finally, the father-son dynamic between the prawn and his son was the "teary-eyed" part of the story. It added an emotional side to a film that would have otherwise been all blood-and-guts-with-cool-explosions.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed "District 9," and I will likely buy it when it comes out on DVD.

Invisible Children Cannot be Seen.

2009-09-21T23:34:00.000-04:00

I went to Tharp's open dorm event tonight. All the proceeds from the entry cost went towards Invisible Children, a charity represented on campus.

Of course, the ever-jokester Frank Clement had this to say about the donation:

"How can the proceeds go to Invisible Children if you can't see them?"

This is coming to you from the same man who brought you "The Odyssey" sung to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas." Thank you, Frank.

Cloudy with a Chance of Comedy.

2009-09-18T20:44:00.003-04:00

Tonight, I was privileged to see a paid-for screening of the film "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs."

Going into the film not knowing anything about it, I was pleasantly surprised to find a consistently comedic cinematic experience.

The film combined slapstick antics with intellectual pop-culture references and in-jokes, creating a fantastic film for young and old alike. The intellectual humor flowed in the same vein as Bugs Bunny and the Animaniacs, amongst others.

Though someone else paid for me to see this film, I would recommend this film for anyone with children, or with a working knowledge of pop-culture. Then again, I'm still waiting to see "9," "District 9," and "Inglorious Basterds," so I'm backed up on films at the moment.

Sidebar: Kanye may or may not show up to interrupt it for you. You have been warned.

I thought about doing these...

2009-09-17T22:44:00.002-04:00

then I didn't.

Everybody says that you change your major at least once during college. That's not true for me so far, and it will not be the case. If anything, I have considered adding majors, but have never considered dropping my Telecommunications major. However, there are a handful of additions which were on my plate at one time or another.

My first semester at Lee, I had Steve Swindle for American Government. Over the semester, I became more and more interested in political science, and seriously considered adding a political science major to my Telecommunications major. Over time, I simply decided to minor in it, but the point still stands.

Then, I became extremely interested in history, and thought I would add a history major. This was compounded by history and political science double-majors trying to convince me to double-major in history and political science, plus my Telecom major.

Of course, when I got introduced to Skip Jenkins and the Theology class, I wanted to become a Theology major with my Telecom major. Can I minor in it? Maybe. I just love theology, too.

Somewhere along the line, my writing started picking up, and I thought about adding an English major to support and improve my writing skills. After that, I started writing for the Lee Clarion and I thought about adding a journalism major as a career fallback for my Telecom skills, and to supplement my writing skills.

Of course, for a Theology major, one must take Greek and Hebrew, which excited part of me and scared part of me. I also really enjoy French, so I thought about adding a French language track.

I love Asia and Asian culture, specifically Chinese and Japanese culture, so I wanted to add the Chinese language and the Japanese language for a while. While I did take the Chinese Linguistics and Culture course, I have so far been unable to realize my full-scale language dreams.

Ultimately, at some time in the future when I am financially sufficient to support myself and do so, I may try to move to Ireland and spend my time studying these disciplines which I have been unable to take up at Lee. Does that make me a career student?

Simply put, if I did everything I have considered while here at Lee, I would be here for ten years. Of course, the Administration would love me by then and after all the money I spent, I would probably have a building named after me. So, as it stands right now, I am a Telecommunications major with minors in Political Science and History, with a basic grip on the Chinese language under my belt. Will that change? We'll see what happens.

Have you ever bought a book on its release date? I have.

2009-09-16T15:13:00.000-04:00

Over the summer, I was hanging out with a friend and decided to see the new film adaptation of Dan Brown's novel "Angels and Demons." After seeing it, I went and re-watched "The Da Vinci Code" to refresh myself on it.

Sidebar: I wound up interested in the sort of historical-mystery thriller genre after seeing the "National Treasure" films. I wanted more films in the same genre and wound up in the world of "The Da Vinci Code" and "Angels and Demons."

Well, this past Saturday, I saw an advertisement for the latest Dan Brown novel, "The Lost Symbol." Of course, I was interested and read the excerpt printed in the newspaper that day. I thought I should go pick it up when it came out on Tuesday the 15th, until the newspaper said that the pre-orders were through the roof and it would not be available in most bookstores. "Oh well, I'll get it eventually when I find it."

Fast-forward to last night, the 15th. On a whim, I accompanied some friends to Wal-Mart with no particular items in mind. While wandering around, I found a shelf full of at least one hundred copies of "The Lost Symbol." So much for "not available," huh?

I used a gift card I happened to have and purchased the book. It is significantly thicker and longer than either "The Da Vinci Code" or "Angels and Demons." Purchasing "The Lost Symbol" also marks the first time I have bought a book on its release date, by the way.

Due to overwhelming schoolwork, I will not be able to start reading it for a little while, but when I do I will post updates and ultimately a review. Until then, you might consider picking up "The Lost Symbol" for yourself.

[One day when I feel particularly apologetic, I will probably defend Christianity and such against the constructed history of the world of "The Da Vinci Code" and "Angels and Demons." They make for great historical entertainment but are NOT real history, and do not pose a threat to Christianity.]

An Open Letter to Chapel Ushers.

2009-09-15T12:44:00.003-04:00

Alright guys, minor rant time.

With one notable exception, every dealing I have had so far with chapel ushers I do not know has been a very negative one. For the ushers I know personally, they are always friendly and personable. The ones I do not know, however, always seem to treat people [not just me] in very crappy ways.

For example, earlier this month I watched a chapel usher chew out someone for sitting in a roped-off row. Look, I realize those rows are roped off for a reason, but relax! Seriously, there is no need to chew someone out. They might not have seen the ropes, or perhaps they're just "ahead of the curve" since those rows will be unroped as more people show up.

I've also seen chapel ushers go crazy over somebody wearing a hat or shorts in chapel. I know the signs say "No shorts, no hats in chapel" but there is no good reason to be a jerk about it. Whether you agree with the theological implications of wearing a hat in church or chapel, all you have to do is a simple "It would be great if you could take off your hat," not a more jerkish response. Look, chapel ushers, as much as you get paid to do what you do, you are NOT better than everyone else, and you are not really in any place to chew someone out for something like that. If it really bothers you that much, go talk to someone important about it.

This morning, I sat in a roped-off section one row behind the unroped section, simply because I didn't see a seat further down. An usher whom I did not know approached me. He was very friendly and said, "I'm sorry, but you can't sit here right now. What about this seat?" and pointed out a seat I had not seen before. Now THAT'S good people skills at work. He could have been all "You can't sit here!" in a really jerkish tone, but he wasn't.

The trend I think I see here is that if the chapel ushers know you, they're generally friendly, and if they don't, then they are generally not so friendly. That's not right.

Open letter to chapel ushers: We appreciate what you do. Just don't get bent out of shape over everything, and be more polite in your dealings with students, whether you know them or not. Thank you.

Dreaded Dixon Doors Definitively Deep-Sixed!

2009-09-14T16:11:00.002-04:00

Every Telecom major agrees on the single bane of their Telecom major existence: the Dixon Center doors that refuse to open!

I've written about these doors before. These seventeen-year-old doors have often been difficult to open or simply refused to open at all. One can even tell who is a freshman and who is not based on how they try to open the Dixon doors.

In order to open them, one must take their time; push down on the handle button firmly, THEN pull outwards to open the door. If you try to pull and then push down, or any other combination, it simply will not open, as if it were locked. This doesn't even mention the awful noises the doors would make as they opened. One door's button would even stay down after you pressed it. It was just a bad situation all around.

Additionally, those old doors had about a half-inch opening around their seals; every door was letting in a half-inch of air all around, all the time. The money lost in heating and cooling costs was extremely significant.

These doors made an awful experience for Telecom lab students trying to open the doors for a video, and failing miserably. They were also a time for Telecom workers trying to carry two cameras, two tripods and a bunch of cables back to the Dixon Center after a shoot, only to have a small piece of them die inside from trying to open those stupid doors.

Well, rejoice, Telecom students! Your doors are being replaced by simple, pull-to-open-with-no-stupid-button doors. The new doors are much more efficient and were probably even paid for [and then some] out of the money saved in heating and cooling costs. And, for those of you who are screaming, "Pics or it didn't happen!" I have photos and even a video below for your viewing enjoyment.

The noise created by the old doors being hammered out and the new doors being put in are going to create a ruckus for a week or so; that, however, is a small tradeoff for the glory of new, openable doors. Thank you, Lee University.

Calvinist... Communist... What?

2009-09-11T18:57:00.000-04:00

This occurred during a discussion as Communism as a political system.

Professor: "My Dad calls me Communist. He thinks gasoline should be free, so since I disagree, I'm a Communist."

Student: "Wow, gas should be free?"

P: "He thinks so. Then again, he calls me 'PhD' as an insult, since he graduated the 11th grade."

S: "So Communist is an insult for him?"

P: "Yep. He calls me Communist, then I remind him that my brother and sister became Calvinist, so I'm instantly off the hook."

S: "What if you were a Calvinist Communist?"

P: "Well, you'd be Satan. To him, anyway."

Mmm. I LOVE this class.

History and Political Science - Required? Necessary?

2009-09-10T19:11:00.001-04:00

In Lee's core curriculum, there is a choice in the "Understanding Contemporary Society" bucket, in which you choose to take either Understanding Contemporary Politics [POLS-200] or Recent American History and Government [HIST-212.] Based on the nature of the core, you are only required to take one of the two.

As Lee's apparent "answer-guy," I often get asked, "Which one should I take?" The answer? Both of them.

I'm a history and political science double-minor, so of course, both are of interest to me. This answer, however, is based less on that and more on the intrinsic value of being educated, both politically and historically.

Why politics? Why should I care? Isn't politics all way out in outer space in terms of my daily life? [Yes, I'm looking at you, pariochal folks.] Politics affect a lot of the way you live your life, both in terms of the governmental structures and just in your daily operations. If you're not educated, you're going to be completely ignorant of political structures and processes, and probably panic at the drop of a hat over the stupidest rumor you hear.

For example, I could probably go tell the average American that the President just issued an executive order to recall all cars made prior to 1990 and incinerate them. If they were educated about politics, they would realize that the Presidential executive order is limited in scope to specific policy areas, and can be overridden by Congress. But, if they are not, they will go running to all their friends freaking out about the Presidential order. Simply taking one class can educate you to a basic level, at least enough that I will respect you for it and you will be an educated voter.

Why history? Isn't it just a bunch of birthdays and deaths of old, dead guys? Not so much. History is not dead and boring - history is alive and fascinating. Take, for example, the story of Cornelius Vanderbilt. He hired two gentlemen to find investment opportunities for him. While he was on vacation, they found an opportunity they didn't think Vanderbilt would be interested in, thanks to its relatively low profit potential. They invested a little of their own money and made a minor profit. When Vanderbilt found out, he was furious. He sent them a letter: "Gentlemen - you have endeavored to cheat me. I will not sue you, for the law takes too long. Rather, I will ruin you." He fired the first two guys, hired two new guys, and told the new guys to keep tabs on the original employees. Every time they got a new job somewhere, Vanderbilt would buy the business where they were hired and fire them all over again. Now THAT'S better than a bunch of "old dead guys."

I personally believe that both should be required as a curriculum core, not only on Lee's campus, but at every college. You say, "Oh, but we already know history!" You may be shocked at the test results I am about to share with you.

Graduating seniors from the top 100 universities in America were given a basic history test, consisting of questions that most students learn no later than sixth grade. Examples included...

"In what year-span did the Civil War take place?
A. 1800-1830 B. 1830-1860 C. 1860-1880 D. 1900-1950

Forty percent of these graduating seniors answered some period other than C, the correct answer. Multiple disgustingly sad answers such as these followed, at least until we got to the comparison section of popular-culture questions...

"Who is Snoop Dogg?"
A. An animal B. A rapper C. A cartoon dog created by Charles Schulz D. A military general

Ninety-eight percent got this question right! That's sad, comparatively.

Ignorant political behavior and ignorance of history are two very sad states in which to be. That's why I firmly believe that both history and political science should be requirements here at Lee, and elsewhere.

As for when that might happen, it will almost certainly not happen overnight. It may not even happen before I graduate from Lee. Just let it be known that I asked for it.

Fallout 3... is BACK!

2009-09-09T09:09:00.000-04:00

You consistent readers may remember last semester's posts of Fallout 3 fun and excitement.

Well, everyone's favorite video game monster is back.

I finally found a copy of Fallout 3 at a decent price at a used bookstore. I also went ahead and got four of the five expansion packs and now have a nearly fully-rounded copy. It's a shame the "Game of the Year" edition with all five expansion packs included comes out next month. Oh well.

Anyway, I expected to play it a fair amount here and there as I had time. Thus far, I have played about 13 hours in twelve days. That sounds like a lot, until you realize that my roommate has played something like 30 hours in twelve days!

My roomie, a Fallout newcomer, playing this game more than me, the historical Fallout 3 master addict? Something's not right.

In addition, it has pretty much taken over my whole hall in my dorm. I play Fallout 3, my roomie plays it, my RA plays it, my RA's roomie plays it, plus my friend Greg plays it. That's not to mention the guy who was a Fallout 3 master back home until his Xbox 360 bit the dust.

As one of my friends put it: "Fallout Three and Medlin need to break up." I dare say not, my fair lady!

==

By the way, you know you've been playing too much when you drink out of a water fountain in real life, and you call the crappy-tasting water "irradiated."

BONUS POST: Bake Sale for the Deficit!

2009-09-08T11:44:00.001-04:00

Daniel Diffenderfer and his College Republicans team have created this video. It makes me happy.

Also, I only post five posts per week, but this is a special exception. Video after the jump.

G&L Basses are Almost Perfect.

2009-09-07T15:57:00.003-04:00

I play bass.

Currently, I play a Transparent Red Ibanez G10 four-string. I routed out the nut to accommodate a B-E-A-D tuning. This follows multiple alterations in tuning in an experiment for various playing styles.

Originally, I learned in E-A-D-G, just like most everyone else. Then, I swapped to Drop D, for D-A-D-G. This allowed me to play fifths in a straight line on the D strings, rather than two-frets' difference like a normal tuning would allow. After a while, I got tired of swapping between "straight fifths" and "normal fifths" for the D-D strings and the A-G strings, respectively. This led to another, relatively unique tuning option, D-A-D-A. This allowed me to play straight-fifths on all four strings. This also led to playing four-octave A's and D's on the seventeenth and fifteenth frets, respectively.

Finally, I got tired of having awkward runs and scales thanks to the alternate tuning, and I resigned to altering my bass permanently. I routed out the nut to accommodate wider strings. I then restrung it and tuned to B-E-A-D, just like a five-string bass without the high G. Of course, while losing some of those fun high notes, I get a wall-shaking, baby-punching low-B string! [Just kidding about those babies, by the way.]

Now, the opportunity and desire to pick up a five-string bass has overtaken me. I love G&L basses for their playability and versatility in sound. I really want a G&L L-2500 carved-top, in 3-Tone Sunburst. There's only one problem...

G&L produces a quilt-top 3-Tone Sunburst, four-string model, below.

G&L also produces a five-string carved-top bass, but only in Natural.

Unfortunately, the five-string sunburst only comes in slab-top.

My desire is to have the five-string carved-top in Sunburst. Unfortunately, the color from the four-string line does not carry over to the five-string model. I called and asked if it was possible to simply place the four-string color onto the five-string model. I was told by one G&L representative that it is only possible if they order fifty of the same bass. Of course, I can't afford to buy fifty of the same bass, nor do I have the money to go get a custom bass made just for this preference. I mean, after all, I am a college student!

Surely they could produce just one, or at least produce fifty and distribute the other 49 for sale. G&L, can't you help a bassist out?

The Old Lee Trolley History and Photographs.

2009-09-04T18:31:00.000-04:00

Following Wednesday's post about the free trolley, I felt compelled to share a story and some photographs of the old Lee Trolley. See the photos after the jump.

As you can see here, the trolley is sitting at a repair shop following its replacement by the current trolley.

Humorously, a few years ago when this trolley was in service, it had a Lee University seal on that square grill that lit up. One morning, the driver came out to start the trolley and the entire front of the trolley was gone! Paneling, LU seal, everything, gone. The engine and frame were all exposed to open air.

Of course, the whole front of the trolley had to be rebuilt, at a cost of around $2500. Unfortunately, the culprits were never identified and that LU seal is probably hanging on someone's office wall somewhere.

Ministry of Love or: Campus Departments that Probably Hate Me.

2009-09-03T20:33:00.002-04:00

As I go through my Lee career, I do my best to gain friends as opposed to enemies. It's just very helpful when you need a hand or run into problems. Unfortunately, I am not always successful. Thus, this is a list of campus departments that may or may not hate me. This is for the purpose of allowing said departments to respond to my reasoning and tell me if they genuinely hate me or not, and allow me an opportunity to make amends.

#1: Residential Life.

ResLife almost certainly hates me. A couple weeks before school started, I went up to ask if I could move in one week early. I was writing the lead article for the first issue of the Lee Clarion, and wanted to be on campus when the editors were there working on the issue, and not driving back and forth to campus every day like I had done for the past sixteen days for one reason or another.

Upon sitting down, I greeted her and said "How are you?" She didn't respond. After an awkward moment of silence, I asked my question, giving them my rationale and such. I was then yelled at for ninety seconds about how much trouble it would cause them, blah, blah, blah before getting shooed out of her office.

That, and a general air about them leads me to believe they hate me. ResLife, if you don't hate me, please respond.

#2: Admissions Office.

UPDATE: Admissions doesn't hate me. At least I don't think so. After a fun incident today, we're alright now. I probably won't be invited to their next office party, but I'm not wearing a bulletproof vest to their office, so that's a good start.

[That's not to say that I ever did wear a bulletproof vest to their office - I'm just kidding.]

#3: Campus Ministries.

Campus Ministries is probably not a huge fan of me just because I often criticize their chapel PowerPoint slide design. I don't ask for much; it's just that many of the lyrics slides are difficult to read. Some proper outlines and shadowing would fix it up quickly, but they never listened to me tell them that. Either they don't value my opinion, or they just hate me. Either way.

Campus Ministries, if you don't hate me, please respond.

I think that's it. At least Sodexo and most professors like me!

The Trolley is FREE.

2009-09-02T20:57:00.002-04:00

I've written about this before, and I'll write about it again.

That big red trolley that sits beside the PCSU is free!

Just today, I was riding around campus on the trolley for forty-five minutes, just because I had some free time and Bo, the driver, makes great conversation.

The entire time I was riding around, there were only five passengers excluding myself. Part of that has to do with the relatively nice weather, and part of it has to do with the sad misconception that riding the trolley costs money. It does not! Repeat after me - the trolley is FREE. Free like NetZero used to be - FREE!

Today, I was just about to hop off the trolley when I saw my friend Caitlin crossing right in front of the trolley. I pointed at her right through the windshield and beckoned her to the trolley. "But I don't have any money!" *facepalm* She was, of course, informed that it was free and subsequently hopped on for a ride.

I now tell all of you, again: THE TROLLEY IS FREE. The weather is relatively nice out right now, so maybe you don't have to ride it. But when it starts raining and snowing and freezing outside, you better not turn down that trolley on the basis of money!

One more time: THE TROLLEY IS FREE.

Defining Yourself.

2009-09-01T20:11:00.002-04:00

For the first sixteen years of my life, I was more or less defined by my brother.

At church, I was "John's brother." In public school, he preceded me and I was "John's brother." When we moved to a private school, I was still known as "John's brother." All the "definitions" of me always included my brother.

Now, I'm not here to slam my brother or to say that he was a bad person. I just prefer to define myself and let others form an opinion of me based on that, rather than on my brother or anyone else. And of course, there's nothing wrong with making mental connections; "Oh, isn't John your brother?" "Yes." and then move on. But when all people can say about you as a person is based on "so-and-so's brother," I begin to take issue.

When I got to Lee, people did not know my brother. He had gone there for a short time, but did not live on campus and mostly just "went to class and that's it." Thus, I found a fantastic freedom upon coming to Lee: I was able to define myself.

I was able to make a name for myself. People knew [and still know] me as me, not "John's brother." People know me for what I have done, not who I follow. I am free of any preconceived notions of personality based on my family.

Of course, this can also be a burden if I go crazy one day. If I start doing something completely stupid, then it's my own name I'm scarring rather than someone else's. But I prefer that burden for the freedom it gives me.

Now, I have a friend who is completely defined to some people by a past relationship. If they think she is to blame for "the breakup," then she must be Evil Incarnate to them, based on some of the looks she gets from upperclassmen who are aware of the situation. She's a fantastically nice, funny girl who goes out of her way to talk to people and be friendly. Of course, to those people, none of that crap matters. She's just the enemy and that's the way it is.

Some people, on the other hand, see her ex as the enemy and thus avoid him as if he had the Plague. This makes absolutely no sense to me. He's a great, talented guy who is also friendly and talkative.

Then, there's people like me. I don't pick sides. Usually, in the case of a breakup, I tell both parties they're ridiculous and move on. I actively avoid relationship drama and refuse to get involved. If you start talking to me about who broke up with whom, I will tune you out like a bad commercial break.

In terms of this specific situation, I love both of the people involved and will not take sides. I will also treat them as separate entities and will not by being the others' ex. I want both of them to have the fantastic freedom that I have enjoyed by defining myself, rather than having people pre-judge them based on each other.

This is also a call-out to third parties - if you treat people poorly or differently just because they are somebody's brother or ex or daughter, I challenge you to get to know that person independent of any preconceived notions of who they are. Don't go around talking trash about somebody based on someone else, because you're going to piss me off.

Let people define themselves, and make your interpretations from the image they create for themselves. You'll end up a better person, and probably have better friends for it.

When you hear Smitherd...

2009-08-31T19:22:00.001-04:00

what do you think?

After hearing some very interesting things said about me, both to my face and behind my back, I am now genuinely interested to know how people perceive me. Good, bad, positive, negative, grateful, hateful, whatever-else-you-want-ful.

Thus, I ask you to email, comment, or otherwise contact me to tell me what you think of me. If I have offended you, tell me so I can make amends. If you appreciate me, tell me what you like. If you hate me, tell me why. Here's your chance to vent.

Contact away!

Why I Hate Greek Clubs and Will Never Rush for One or: The Greek Club Article from Hell.

2009-08-28T18:44:00.008-04:00

Greek clubs are not for me.

No way.

After many conversations discussing inductions and rushing, it has been determined that "rushing" is not for me. Putting oneself through unnecessary and voluntary physical, emotional, and mental stress for the purpose of joining a club or brotherhood seems completely ridiculous to me.

Before I start getting angry in this post, let it be known that I have nothing against people in Greek clubs. I know multiple people in nearly every Greek club on Lee's campus, and most of them are pretty cool people. Additionally, all quotes used in this article are not intended as personal attacks against their sources; it is simply an examination of what they say. I simply happen to think that the idea of a Greek club is worthless, useless, and a license to be a jerk and pay a bunch of unnecessary money that God knows I just have laying around.

[Sidebar: if you have to pay all those dues to be in a "brotherhood," does that amount to buying your friends?]

Now, someone is going to ask why I would go to all the trouble of writing this article. Wouldn't it be easier to just let it go? Sure. And if I thought that they were simply a harmless club that only annoyed me, I probably would not care. But because people are being emotionally hurt and physically injured in the name of joining this "brotherhood," I feel compelled to speak up.

Additionally, somebody's going to say, "You're just biased against the Greek clubs. Did they not tap you or something?" Wrong. First, just because one has a bias doesn't mean they're not right. You have a bias - the question then becomes, "What is your bias?" There are a lot of things wrong with Greek clubs. I feel the need to point them out.

Also, there are a few good things that come out of Greek clubs. [Nothing that other clubs couldn't do, but I digress.] Many of the girls' clubs are actually involved in legitimate service projects in which many of their members participate. However, though the guys' clubs tend to slap their names on service projects, I see very few guys' clubs or members participating in any service events whatsoever. The most notable exception to this is TKO. Other than that, insofar as I'm aware, the only purpose guys' clubs serve is finding more crap to put their letters on and being jerks to other clubs/non-Greek students.

I have very few, if any, problems with any specific Greek members. I just feel like their clubs as a whole serve no purpose. That, and I'm not happy with their friend-stealing either, but more on that later.

Oh, and to the clubs who complain that all they get is negative publicity and "nobody knows the good they do," then call a Lee Clarion photographer next time and ask them to photograph the event. Help yourselves out. Moving on...

One of the common ideas about a Greek club is that "it promotes brotherhood." I fail to see how a Greek club promotes brotherhood that one could not achieve otherwise. Sure, it's a way to do it, but it's not the way for me. "If I need help with something, any one of my Greek brothers would drop what they were doing to help me." You know, I'm fairly confident that that should be true of humanity as a whole. If you want to narrow it down, it should be true of your dorm people or your classmates, at least, since you know them. Or, if you want to really step on some toes, that should be true of all Christians. If it's not, then we have a problem.

Another idea is that physical stress brings people closer together. It has been shown to work. I can tell you, however, that it will not work for me. This is coming from the guy who avoids physically intense or painful activities at all costs. This is coming from the guy who failed high school PE three semesters in a row [more on that later.] This is coming from the guy who prefers to make an impact with music and writing and filmmaking than with athletic feats of greatness. I certainly make no claims to weightroom greatness and I will never try to. It's just not my thing.

Something that several Greek club members insisted upon was that the physical part was all voluntary - you don't have to do physical activities that you don't want to do. What, then, is the point? There's no way I'm going to do ridiculous amounts of physically intense calisthenics under the pretense of "joining a brotherhood." One can join a brotherhood without that crap. Just look at Christianity!

Additionally, all I see is that the Greek clubs promote divisiveness as opposed to unity. The idea of the "brotherhood" or "sisterhood" is really a false illusion. Why? Rather than uniting everyone as students or classmates or Christians, you're segmenting them as Greek clubs. You're taking a small group of people and bringing them together through ridiculous means, to the absolute exclusion of everyone else.

Few Greek club members will tell you specifics behind induction, because for them it "takes away the magic." You're going to trust your life and well-being to people you probably do not know and just follow them blindly in the name of "the magic" of "joining the brotherhood?" I don't think so. There's no way I'm going blindfolded to some God-forsaken neck of the woods to be "inducted" into some club, especially when I have no idea what's going to happen out there. There's just no way I'm doing that, guys.

I hear that a specific Greek club on Lee's campus actually physically brands its members. This is coming from eyewitnesses to the aftermath of said branding. I can tell you right now that there is absolutely no way that I am going to be branded for your bloody club.

One big beef with Greek clubs is that from my experience, Greek clubs tend to be a shield to hide behind to give one license to be a colossal jerk. "I'm from this club and you're from that club, so I'm going to attack you personally because we're from a different club!" That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard.

The forced event attendance of Greek clubs works just like the Jim Crow laws of United States history. These laws indirectly prevented African-Americans from voting. They did this by requiring voters to be able to read and they must own land. Since most African-Americans were barred from education and many were slaves and therefore did not own land, they were indirectly excluded from voting.

In a similar manner, Greek clubs claim not to "take up all your time," but in reality, they do so indirectly in a manner similar to the Jim Crow laws. A Greek club member is pressured by their club to attend all their events; this peer pressure is overwhelming. If this were not enough, it just so happens that there are events literally all the time, so you are pressured into attending every Greek club event such that, by default, you have no time for anything else. That is personally true for me, as I have several friends whom I did not see all year since they joined a Greek club, until the summer.

That also leads to my biggest issue with Greek clubs: I am told that some, as a part of "initiation," do not allow you to talk to people who are not a part of your club, in an attempt to "strengthen your bond" with your club. Really?

The idea that some "club induction" is going to dictate who I do and do not talk to is the most self-absorbed, elitist idea I can think of. I'm going to be friends with those whom I choose, not those whom the "brotherhood" chose. No way. I hear of an incident in which someone had to ask for a pencil but could not because there was no one around in their club. There is no way that someone is going to tell me that I cannot talk to someone because they are not in the "brotherhood." [You know, this is sounding extremely familiar.] The idea that one cannot talk to someone simply because they are not in their [insert blanket term here] group, Greek club, social class, or other exclusive group is completely shallow, self-absorbed and elitist.

Also, since when does exclusivity imply loyalty? Bull. I am fiercely loyal to my dorm. I will absolutely defend it as the best dorm on campus [mostly because it is,] and I have done so in the past. However, following the logic that exclusivity implies loyalty, I would have to refuse entrance to the dorm anyone who was from another dorm or who doesn't live in a dorm at all. Really, guys? As much as my dorm is the best, it's not like I'm going to tell other dorm folks "No, you can't come in here. You'll disgrace our building."

Another thought: taking a step back, the whole idea behind inductions is thus: they exhaust you to your breaking point ["I thought I had nothing left," said one former member] physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. They keep you up for days [physical,] don't allow you to be in contact with any supporting people [emotional,] barrage you with intellectual assaults that you can't handle because you've been awake for days [mental,] and only God knows what they intend to do to you spiritually.

One Greek member informed me that clubs are required to give taps fixed amounts of sleep, and that in the experience of his club, those rules are always followed. I cannot speak for the rest in terms of obedience to that, but the "keeping up for days" is just one of the many "words on the street" which gave rise to this article.

Kristin Chumley, president of Epsilon Lambda Phi, insists that "You want to put someone to their breaking point," because it "teaches new taps that they can't do anything without God." Really? That is completely ridiculous and unnecessary. Why? Life is hard enough, people! Life is hard enough for 'taps' to realize that they can't do anything without God without your inductions making new trouble. She also said that no one is forced to do anything during induction, because "it's what they choose to do." What's the point, then? If it's all about what one wants to do, could not one conceivably rush, not do anything at induction, and just get into the club without enduring your Hell week?

Additionally, according to Chumley, after Dr. Conn revamped inductions to make them less like hazing, the first tap to experience the new inductions completely lost the “my induction was harder than yours attitude." If such an attitude exists, then surely these inductions must be some mirror image of Hell. They were trying to make each induction harder so the taps can have some kind of pseudo-trophy?

What about Upsilon? In 2006, a rushing student got sent to the hospital. Why? He was injured while attempting to swim across the snake-infested Hiwassee River at night, with no life-preserving devices or lights. Historically they have done this every year for the past few, and it constitutes hazing.

And for Pi? Jeremiah Argo, a member of TKO, said that Greeks promise not to tell what happens at inductions for fear of harming a new inductee's experience: "It could stop them from wanting to do it." Pi, your "Not So Green Pages" newsletter is a giant middle finger to that ideology. "We never put anyone in the hospital during induction... so I guess we should take this opportunity and try..." You want to avoid scaring people away, yet you print statements like this in your newsletter? Even though it supposedly stays within your club, you know some moron can't keep his mouth shut, or somebody can't hang on to their newsletter in the Humanities Building and word gets out that you printed statements like that. Now, it's out in the open, and I am willing to bet that Pi's numbers go down next time around.

Adam Marroquin, the president of Pi, insists that it was a joke that "outsiders wouldn't understand." It wasn't the smartest idea in the world even to joke that you're going to put people in the hospital if you want to avoid scaring people away. Also, Marroquin said, "As president that's not something I worry about." If you don't worry about flushing your club's image down the toilet with your newsletter, then what exactly do you worry about?

Oh, by the way, to all you "the Lee Clarion stole Pi's private publication and printed it for all the world to see!" complainers, let a few things be known here. First of all, there's no such thing as a "private publication." Can't you see the contradiction in terms when the words "private" and "publication" are used together? They call "private publications" memos, guys. A newsletter is bound to reach outside its intended audience somehow. Secondly, the Lee Clarion did NOT steal any newsletter. The author of the article did NOT go digging through trashcans to find it, and nobody stole it out of some Pi guy's bag or room. It was brought to the Lee Clarion by a student, and was subsequently incorporated into the article, along with Ryan Austin's thoughts and concerns.

In addition, the theft of the 1,550 Lee Clarion newspapers at the end of the spring semester causes more damage than you think. "How can you steal something that's free? Hardy, har, har!" or "It needed to be stolen to keep the author from getting hurt because of his crappy article" and other similar tripe are completely beyond ridiculous. The Lee Clarion is not free. It costs money to produce, and the issues stolen cost at least $300 to print. That doesn't even count the unpaid cost of paying the Lee Clarion staff who produce the paper.

Many people I talked to concerning the theft had plenty of crap to say about how bad an author Harrison Keely was in terms of the Greek club article. Many of these same people also had opinions about how awful it was that the Lee Clarion would steal PI's newsletter to print it in the paper. Finally, many of these same people, upon further conversation, had never even read the article in the first place. I insisted that they read the article and getting the facts before trying to down Harrison Keely or the Lee Clarion based on rumors they heard from Greek club members.

Now, the point of Greek clubs at Lee is supposed to be to facilitate spiritual service. Why must one go through Hell as part of your inductions to do community service? I believe that Greek clubs at Lee no longer serve their purpose as service facilitators, but rather are simply jerk-licenses and a wardrobe. Sure, Greek club people do service, but I sincerely doubt that it has to do with the club itself. I am willing to bet that that has more to do with the individual prerogatives of the members and almost nothing to do with the club. The club slaps their name on it and gets lucky.

If all this big, Hell-week-mess works for you, then great. Go do your rushes and your inductions and blindfolded crap. It's not going to work for me. In fact, if it were up to me, I would scrap Greek clubs in a heartbeat and tell people to make friends via other means. It's just ridiculous.

Funnily enough, in the course of this conversation we discovered that I would also suck in the military. Apparently I'm not cut out for physical pursuits... as if you didn't already know that.

Why are Christians not always nicer than non-Christians, and why does it matter?

2009-08-27T18:44:00.002-04:00

People often ask the question, "Why are Christians such [jerks, meanie-heads, insert other less-than-printable names here] when all the non-Christians I know are such nice people?"

The answer is that some people just suck at this Christian thing.

It could be argued that the "nice" working in the average nice non-Christian is simply God working through them, while the average Christian might still be retaining part of their mean personality, or something similar to that.

The simplest answer, however, is that some people, although Christian, aren't very great at showing it.

And now, I will illustrate why they are not completely lost despite their suckiness and sucktitude...

Imagine that life is a sports game. Christians are on God's baseball team, and non-Christians are playing lacrosse [certainly not a creation of God at all!] Sure, I may be a sucky baseball player, but at least I'm playing on the right team! I'd rather be playing on God's baseball team and sucking at it rather than being really great at playing lacrosse, the game of Satan!✝

I'd rather be a Christian and suck at it than be really great at being a non-Christian. That's mostly because Christians are right, and if nothing else, everyone likes to be on the "winning team."

Also, I meant no offense to lacrosse players by this post. It's just an easy target.

✝This illustration brought to you by the one, the only, Skip Jenkins.

Headbanging for Hair-drying?

2009-08-26T15:07:00.001-04:00

I like metal.

One might have deduced this after reading prior posts concerning my musical tastes.

One of the most fun ways this manifests itself is in my hair drying. After taking a shower, I turn on a good metal song and headbang my hair dry.

Usually, the song of choice is "94 Hours" by As I Lay Dying. The musical structure of the different parts of the song facilitate several different styles of headbanging, thus helping dry the hair more effectively.

In fact, I have been mocked for my status update that often follows this activity: "believes there's nothing better than some good, old-fashioned metal headbanging to dry one's hair after a shower." This, along with a few other status updates, are among the most-repeated status updates of mine.

Of course, this headbanging often results in very wet walls from the water-slinging. Oh, the price we pay for hair care.

Science Building Misinformation.

2009-08-25T21:09:00.001-04:00

There have been a number of misconceptions about the Science Building, especially in terms of its dining services.

I wrote the article for the first issue of the Lee Clarion about the building, but not all of the questions have been cleared up. Thus, this post will enlighten you as to the future of Science Building dining.

Q: Is there going to be a Taco Bell/Moe's/Olive Garden/ in the new Science Building?

A: No. There is going to be a Panera-style Jazzman's which makes fresh soups and sandwiches, as opposed to simply selling pre-packaged sandwiches in the freezer. It will be called "Jazzman's Bakery and Cafe."

Q: Are they getting rid of the old Jazzman's in the PCSU?

A: No. It is going to stay in place serving the same type of content it does now, under the banner of "Jazzman's Retro Cafe" or something similar, to denote its distinctness from the Science Building Jazzman's.

Q: Where will the Science Building Jazzman's be located?

A: It will be in a glassed-in atrium underneath the breezeway, level with Ocoee Street. It will be semi-open-air in feel.

Q: Are the other restaurants moving anywhere?

A: Insofar as I am currently aware, the Pizza Hut may well be moving to the new Science Building, although that is unofficial and should not be taken as fact. That is the latest of the negotiations that I have heard.

Bonus: I was part of the focus group which adamantly desired and pushed for a Jazzman's in the new Science Building. We originally suggested names such as "Jazzman's 2.0" and "Jazzman's: The Next Generation." Of course, they would have to have a drink called "The Beam Me Up, Scotty," just for good measure. Or, maybe it would be "The Beam Me Up, Smitty." Who knows?

Freshmen: Five Things You Need to Know About Lee.

2009-08-24T21:17:00.010-04:00

An Open Letter To the Freshmen of Lee:

This article is directed right at you. This is my two years' experience at Lee coming to work for you. There are many things you need to know about Lee, but that's what my book is for. These five are the things that struck me as the most important things for you to know. You BETTER know these things, or I will hunt you down. That being said...

Number one: Get unlimited texting.

Trust me on this. You're going to meet that cute girl or guy, with the iPhone and unlimited texting and data, who wants to text you and you only have 250 texts per month. Or you've got that roomie who texts you 24/7 to ask you questions from across the room. Or your professor lets you text him questions that you don't want to ask out loud. Those 250 silly little texts are not going to cut it anymore. Seriously, it only costs $20 to get unlimited texting on your phone. You're going to thank me later. While you're at it, you should text me. [I'm looking at you, Amber!]

Also, if you text in Skip Jenkins' or Steve Swindle's classes, you're going to get intellectually pwn'd. You might as well have unlimited to make that pwn'age worth it! [Ain't that right, Rachel?]

Number two: There are NO rollover meals.

No matter what meal plan you have, your meals do NOT stack up. You have a 21 meal plan, and you've only used 18 of them? Those extra three are going to disappear.

Meal purging occurs on Thursday nights at midnight. Therefore, if you still have two meals left on Thursday night at midnight, they are simply going to be purged from your plan and you start the week new on Friday morning with 21 meals, or whatever your number of meals is.

Thus, if in your meal-counting, you realize that you have a couple of meals left on Thursday, I recommend using them at Jazzman's or something similar to make sure you actually use the meals you paid for. [Greg Stokely does!]

Number three: Put your silverware IN the silverware disposal!

Next time you're in the dining hall, go to the conveyor belt and look: there is a square hole in the wall with a sign above it that says, "Silverware disposal." That is there for a reason - put your silverware in it! That saves the dishwashers in the back room time in removing the silverware from your dish stack. [Harrison Keely is not here to put it in the disposal for you anymore! Put it away!]

The other good reason for putting your silverware into the disposal is that if you don't do so, you're going to annoy me. I am thoroughly annoyed when I see a stack of dishes and fourteen forks and knives stuffed into leftover cheese fondue.

Number four: The trolley is FREE.

You know that big red beast of a bus that sits beside the PCSU at night? That's the Lee Trolley. Contrary to popular belief, it does NOT cost money! I have watched people turn down the trolley in the pouring rain, under the impression that the trolley costs money to ride. It does not, and you need to ride it next time you're nearby.

Sometimes, if I'm free, I'll just sit on the trolley and ride around for a little while. The driver and I have become good friends and it's just great company. Now go ride it! [Daniel Pennington knows what it is.]

Number five: The bells in the PCSU bell tower are real, and yes, they really do ring.

The year has barely started and the rumors are already making their way to freshman ears: "The bells ringing in the PCSU are just speakers, dummy!" The next time someone tells you this, please punch them for me. Those bells in the PCSU bell tower are very real, very tangible bells. I have been standing next to them when they rang. I already pointed this out in this post, but it bears mentioning again. Just as a refresher...

The largest bell in the tower weighs about two thousand pounds and is nearly eight inches thick. It came from a church in London, England, cast in 1923 and installed in the Paul Conn Student Union bell tower in 2000. It hangs in the middle of the circular room on a glorified bicycle-chain style pulley system. This system swings the bell to strike it against the hammer. Unfortunately, it takes three or four tries for the necessary momentum to be built up, necessitating a reset of the clock every couple of months. The four, smaller bells hang from the ceiling and are stationary, sounding by being struck with hammers. They are responsible for the musical chimes that sound every quarter-hour.

I have been standing right next to these bells when they rang, due to an unfortunate circumstance in timing. [If I ever ask you to repeat yourself while talking to me, now you know why.]

And there you have it! Keep these in mind and keep reading for the rest of the year!

Walter Cronkite has Signed Off, and That's the Way it Is.

2009-07-17T20:57:00.002-04:00

Legendary news anchor Walter Cronkite died this evening at the age of 92.

The face of CBS' Evening News for nineteen years, good old "Uncle Walter's" voice provided the backdrop for the biggest news events of the last fifty years... the moon landing, the Kennedy assassination, Watergate, and countless other happenings from day to day. He eventually came to be called the "Most Trusted Man in America" and all over America, the sentiment rang true: "if Walter said it, then it's true."

For me, personally, I first knew Walter as the voice behind the old radio broadcasts I dug up from all over the Internet and old 8-track tapes from my Dad's high school days. Later, he was the presenter of "The Sixty Greatest Old-Time Radio Shows of the 20th Century," my favorites being the War of the Worlds broadcast and Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First?"

I'm sure we're going to see a lot of mourning over the next several weeks. Though Uncle Walter is only the latest in a string of celebrity deaths, his death is the one which has impacted me the most.

Uncle Walter has signed off, and that's the way it is.

Foy Vance Awesomeness.

2009-07-13T19:13:00.002-04:00

I turned eighteen in the middle of a private concert in Northern Ireland.

While that in and of itself is pretty sweet, there was something about it that was even sweeter: the wall of sound that regaled my ears in the form of the guitar and voice of Foy Vance.

Foy Vance is a singer-songwriter from Northern Ireland. His performance style is rather unique - he loops himself playing multiple riffs on a guitar and a keyboard, and using his guitar for percussion. His "tricks" include playing his guitar with a violin bow and singing into the body of the guitar to create haunting vocal melodies that creep out of the existing rhythmic blend. While all these things have been done before, Foy Vance does it so well that it certainly deserves praise.

As if his guitar skills were not enough, combine them with his vocal talents and you have one spectacularly talented artist on your hands. His lyrics go from romantic to worshipful to anthemic and kindhearted. Some of my personal favorites among his songs include "First of July," "Be With Me," "Shed a Little Light," and "Indiscriminate Act of Kindness."

When I saw him in Belfast, he played an hour-plus long set, and the entire audience was mesmerized for the entirety of it. In tribute to the late Michael Jackson, he played covers of "Billie Jean" and "Man in the Mirror" before playing his own songs. He carried on with his set, and ended with the thoughtful "Indiscriminate Act of Kindness." By the end of the song, his instrumentation was entirely faded out and the entire audience continued to sing along to the line, "Consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness," for five minutes solid. The atmosphere created at his live show can only be described as a wall of sound, and all of you need to go and give Foy Vance a good, long listen.

Just for good measure, I have included a few of his videos below. Enjoy!

Doctor-Patient Incompetence.

2009-06-23T16:44:00.002-04:00

This happened to a female friend of mine who was home for the summer.

=====

She was feeling bad one day last week, so she went to see a doctor today to diagnose the symptoms, including headaches and minor nausea. The screening nurse was helpful, and although she thought my 19-year-old friend was only sixteen, she actually seemed knowledgeable about my friend's symptoms and potential causes.

The doctor comes in shortly thereafter, and she is not her normal doctor. Turns out he just moved away. The new doctor runs the standard gamut of checking the ears, nose and throat. After hearing out her symptoms, the following exchange ensued...

Doctor: "Well, for any kind of nausea, I usually run a pregnancy test. Are you pregnant?"

Friend: "No."

D: "Are you taking contraceptives?"

F: "No."

D: "You could get pregnant at any time then."

F: "Not if you're not having sex."

D: "Oh, is your husband away?"

F: "I am not married."

D: "Oh. I think you have an ear infection."

F: "What? You just checked my ears, nose and throat and said they were fine."

D: "I can't see inside your head, so I will give you Zyrtec for allergies."

F: "I don't have symptoms of allergies - I'm not going to take it unless you can prove I have allergies. Are you going to run any tests to check for allergies?"

D: "No..."

F: "I've had two concussions in the past year or so. Could it be a result of those?"

D: "Did they run a CT scan?"

F: "Of course. They always do."

D: "I'm sure you're fine then. I'm going to prescribe muscle relaxers for your headaches. If you don't feel better in two days, come back and maybe we'll run some tests; perhaps a CT of your brain and sinuses."

F: "My sinuses? My sinuses are not bothering me. I can breathe just fine, and my ears, nose and throat do not hurt."

D: "Just see if you feel better. Maybe you are imagining the pain and it will go away."

Just as she's leaving, the Doctor says, "Wait, are you having stomach pain?"

F: "No..."

D: "Lay down."

F: "Okay?"

D: *pushes on patient's stomach* "It feels soft enough."

=====

Is this universal health care in action?

The Cole-Bar Hammer.

2009-06-15T15:23:00.005-04:00

This man is Brandon Hyde.

If you go to Lee, you may know his face as the Vindagua portrait photographer. He's been my friend for quite some time, and now I'm gonna do a little free promotion for him.

He and his father have invented a pretty sweet hammer tool which will make your home improvement projects that much easier. This hammer, named in memory of Cole Norman Hyde, is a combination hammer/crowbar. The claw of the hammer swings out with a patented one-way locking ratchet system to extend into a full-length crowbar. This locking mechanism also allows you lock it between 0 and 180 degrees, easily allowing the tool to be used as a square/angle or as a measurement tool. Finally, the hammer can be split into two pieces to be used as a finishing tool and socket wrench.

Right here is a video to show you the tool in action.

A multi-tool such as this is guaranteed to improve productivity and cut down on time spent retrieving other tools in the middle of projects. Help Brandon out and visit this link and rate the tool highly [5 ribbons being the highest] and maybe we'll get to see the Cole-Bar Hammer mass-produced!

Thanks for your time, guys. Help your favorite Vindagua photographer out.

Facebook URL Happiness.

2009-06-12T21:44:00.001-04:00

The transformation in which Facebook and MySpace become one is continuing.

Facebook, tonight at 12:01, will allow you to choose a username to direct people to your profile, in the same vein as MySpace profile URL's. That makes it easier to find people with difficult-to-spell names.

Because I'm generous, I'll tell you ahead of time that Facebook.com/smitherd is the Facebook URL that I will acquire at 12:01.

Also, the reason I hate MySpace and Facebook becoming more alike is simple: Facebook isn't overrun by 12-year-old MySpace whores who post nearly-naked photos of themselves to attract attention. If the trend continues, I fear that Facebook may well be overrun by a similar brand of Facebook whores before too long.

It makes me sad.

Update: Facebook.com/Smitherd was successfully acquired by me at roughly 12:01 that night. Hit me up!